An open letter to those who have treated me poorly in the past. To the ones who have used me, lied to me, and told me everything that went wrong in our life was always in some way 100% my fault:

“If you think I’m too much, go find less
If you’re good with good enough, I’m not it
Don’t water me down
To feel like you leveled up
Yeah, if you think I’m too much, go find less.”

Riley Roth

If I am not good enough for you, try to find someone who will give as much as I did and ask for as little as I did in return. Find someone who will allow you to act the way you do and never hold you accountable for those actions. Find someone who loved you as I did. Find someone with a heart like mine.

You never will.

You tore me down. You made me feel worthless. Your words never matched your actions. Ever. You took and took and took until I had nothing left to give, and yet I still found a way to give you more.

You talked to me like I didn’t know what you had been saying behind my back.

I may have acted naïve, but I always knew.

Some of you put your hands on me out of anger. Some of you used your words to strip away my confidence. All of you backed me into a corner until I became submissive. And this meant you had complete control of me.

I allowed it.

None of you were there when I needed someone. Always too busy. Yet you had time to tell me what I should do in any given situation. What to say or how to act. I was always just a phone call away from you, yet silly me for thinking the phone worked both ways.

It has taken me far too long to see your true colors. I can finally see the monsters under the masks of friendship, family, and lovers. Too many moments allowing others to control my life, to have people in my life. I see now I am better off without you.

More strong, wiser, more at peace.

I am capable, intelligent, lovable, and someone shockingly still willing to love those around me.

You weren’t my family or my tribe. You are a cult that damn near sucked the life out of me. And I allowed it.

No more.

I am no longer the doormat. When you didn’t have use for me anymore, you tossed me out like a piece of trash. You could no longer manipulate me, and you recognized it. After all the blood, sweat, and tears I poured into every relationship, you made up lies and turned everyone against me.

“At first I was afraid, I was petrified. Kept thinking I could never live without you by my side. But then I spent so many nights thinking how you did me wrong. And I grew strong. And I learned how to get along.”

Gloria Gaynor

Be gone with you. Please stay away from me. Stay out of my life. If you see me, walk the other way. Don’t ever speak my name. I no longer know you, nor do you know who I have become because of the abuse I suffered from your words and actions.

I am better for having been your scapegoat.

Even after all the times, I was appreciative of your reprehensible actions that somehow still gave you the right to disrespect everything about who I am.

I may never have been good enough at anything for any of you, but someday I will find the ones who see my light and cherish it.

I know who I want to be, who I am, and how I deserve to be treated.

I was always too much for every one of you. I will continue to speak my truth and shine my light on your darkness. A little advice: if you don’t like the words that come out of your mouth, never repeat your past actions. Your web of lies will tie you up like the flies you are. Someday you will have to answer for all those actions, and when that happens, I will be the one left standing.

Do me this one last favor, FIND LESS.

– 💋🖕