Photo Credit: LHJ A single word can cause hundreds of negative ripples.
Gaslighting, I’m sure we have all heard of it. If you haven’t, I suggest you take a trip down the rabbit hole that is Google and open your eyes to the darkness of people in your life.
Many of us may have unknowingly fallen victim to someone who has used this form of abuse on them in their lives. Gaslighting is the worse form of emotional and psychological abuse there is mainly because victims of gaslighting don’t generally see it happening or know how to get out once they begin to realize the truth.
Research has shown that gaslighting is taught and conditioned from childhood. While lying and manipulating come naturally to some, others are born into it. Narcissists enjoy watching their victims squirm and psychologically break down. They achieve a thrill from watching another person crumble from the pressure of their words and actions. For those who don’t understand, t here is plenty of research that has reported it’s equivalent to the feeling you get when winning something.
There are others you will meet that use gaslighting to survive, and these people have been conditioned throughout their childhood. Unfortunately, due to the abuse they suffered, their brains developed slightly differently than what your medical textbooks would suggest. Narcissistic abuse changes your brain chemistry. It changes the functioning of your operating system. Children who grew up with adults that used gaslighting and manipulation are conditioned to how to get their way. They don’t see any problems with their behavior. Regardless of the reason, gaslighting is a sickness, and there is very little evidence that it can be cured.
Perpetrators have a burning desire to be seen as perfect and superior to others. They live behind a facade of perfection. They will create situations to make themselves look like the hero, while in the shadows, they are strangling their victims with words and actions. Never actually laying a hand on their victims. Never any physical signs; it’s all mind control and manipulation. The main reason why gaslighting is so hard to prove is because there aren’t any bruises. Victims live a life of smoke and mirrors, never knowing the truth and believing everything they do and say is wrong.
A gaslighters favorite phrases
“That never happened.”
“You’re crazy, and other people think so, too.”
“I’m sorry you think that I hurt you.”
“Do you really think I’d make that up?”
“You’re just trying to confuse me.”
“You know I’d never intentionally hurt you.”
“I did that because I love you.”
“It’s all your fault.”
During a thesis class in college, the professor told us always to remember a fundamental mindset when dealing with others:
“Hurt people, hurt people.”
Now this statement over the years has rang true in many different situations I have either been involved in or witnessed. I have witnessed and been a victim of others outright lying about actions or events: things that may never have happened or manipulation of the events that transpired. I spent many moments watching and catching someone as they tried to use manipulation to change one’s reality. Scapegoating is also a form of blame-shifting and the worst type of coercion. As a victim of this psychological warfare, your skewed sense of reality and self leave you vulnerable and insecure. Victims become hypersensitive and hyper-vigilant to others’ words, actions, and behaviors.
No one wants to admit that they would have allowed this to happen to themselves. They believe it makes them look weak when they are the strongest people there are.
Unfortunately, some victims of gaslighting don’t make it out alive. This sometimes invisible interpersonal violence has negative long-lasting, and sometimes life-altering effects.
Things to say to a manipulator:
“I hear that you intended to make a joke, and I want to let you know that the impact of your words was hurtful.”
-Be very careful with this statement as you will most likely need to defend yourself further from, “You can’t ever just take a joke.”
“My feelings are my feelings, and they are valid. Let me explain how your words and actions make me feel.”
– Setting boundaries with a gaslighter can be tricky, and you must be firm.
Consistently.
They will try to tell you how you feel, and this is a form of shifting the blame back to you, as they will never see how their behavior could affect you.
“This is my experience, and these are my emotions.”
– Once you have made your stance, don’t ever back down. Realize that a manipulative person will continue to spin their words to get you to second-guess yourself.
“It sounds like you feel strongly about that, and my emotions are valid too.”
-Validation is critical. Remember, you are a person who deserves love, acceptance, and understanding. You are imperfect, and no one should ever expect you to be.
Be cautious and diligent in recognizing Narcissistic people in your life. Know you may never get a diagnosis for the person in your life that is genuinely mentally ill. They will never be willing to see their wrong, and they will always be one step ahead due to the thought process they live by. Speak your truth, and don’t ever back down.
The cycle of narcissistic abuse can be broken. With the support of others, reach out, speak out don’t place the blame on yourself. Have better self-awareness, learn the signs, and know what to do. Stand firm in your boundaries, and have an unwavering determination to push back if there is something that makes you feel uncomfortable. Lastly, it can be hard work, so take it one person at a time. You are capable, and you can get out alive.
Girl, you tried. You gave your all and then some. You tried to be perfect for everyone that you interacted with. ALWAYS.
You ALWAYS worried over every little thing.
You allowed that worry to eat at you and over the years it broke down your view of yourself.
You are and always have been an incredible woman. You may not have known how to adequately navigate the problems that you encountered in your life so far, but you NEVER let that stop you. You ALWAYS kept a smile on your face and kept going.
Nevertheless, you learned so many lessons. Make sure to continue to carry every one of them with you. You have always been enough. I hope one day you will see that. It would help if you truly felt that. All you need to see and focus on is how your gifts are wonderfully designed to bring love and light to all you meet.
Your foundation wasn’t what it should have been. You had parents who were too worried about looking perfect so that the dark of their lives never showed. They neglected you, abused you, and conditioned you to feel worthless. You were constantly trying to achieve perfection. That level of life was never attainable, by the way. You force yourself to be someone other than who you truly are to feel love and to be accepted.
Growing up was hard. Life handed you lemons consistently.
Yet somehow you made it through. And with a smile on your face even. Boss lady status!
The abuse you suffered at the hand of those who were supposed to love, protect and guide you is unforgivable. Those people never deserved your tender heart. You are living proof that putting one foot in front of the other, even on the worst days, can be achieved with a smile. Please keep smiling, for it’s one of your best features. You lost sight of the epic life force that’s within you. I know you will find it again. When that light gets dim, grab hold of your faith and don’t ever stop searching.
One of the most essential things the past has taught you is patience. This has been a hard life lesson to come to terms with, slow and steady and you will win the race.
I’m sorry for not believing in you. I’m sorry for being so hard on you all the time. You are completely capable of achieving anything you set your mind to. It took me far too long to realize that. You’ve fought hard daily to prove to others that you deserve their time, attention, and affection. STOP THAT! It would help your heart and stress level if you didn’t have to fight so hard for those things. To find people who will see your true character and love you beyond measure. They ARE out there and you deserve them. Your past heartbreaks are not in vain. They have taught you many valuable lessons and molded you into the strong, independent, powerful woman you are becoming. Looking back, I hope you see that you deserve to be given the world and treated like a queen. Remember not to look back for too long, the road ahead is beautiful because of the darkness that lies behind.
Don’t worry, you are still healing and working on finding that person who lights you up inside. You have done so much good work. Breaking generational cycles is challenging and emotionally draining. But you, dear, you have been a rockstar. You have put so much good into the universe, regardless of what this life has put in your path. I believe it will all return when the time is right for you.
I think the saddest people always try their hardest to make people happy. Because they know what it feels like to feel absolutely worthless and they don’t want anybody else to feel like that.
-Robin Williams
Loving people and seeing their true potential is a gift. But remember, just because you have this superpower doesn’t mean those people will do the work required to live their full potential. You have always only wanted what was best for those closest to you. But they have to make those choices. Lead with love.
You are a life coach in every aspect.
You have unfortunately learned that not everyone in your circle is a good person with a good heart. You have met very few in your life so far who are genuine and deserving of your time. You have been underappreciated, undervalued, and downright used. Used for your gifts, your talents, your tender heart, and your unconditional ability to love. Yet, even after all that pain and suffering, you still have the ability and desire to love all those who walk into your life’s path. I hope in the future, you set better boundaries and stick to them.
Your ability to love even those who break your heart is a superpower.
Even though there are those you will never be able to forgive, your life will be extraordinary.
You have chosen a few who honestly don’t deserve you—having your heart continually broken by those you have given so much to can cause deep-seated anger.
Let that anger go.
It will eat at you.
All the past hurts, and repressed emotions started to show when your body manifested physical pain. It took years, but you finally took the time, accepted the help, and began uncovering the root of your PTSD. You took responsibility for others’ actions towards you. You are slowly healing and becoming healthy again.
You are finally starting to love yourself. To feel confident and comfortable in your skin. You have now built an incredible version of yourself that is unrecognizable to those who once knew you. You should be proud of all you have lived through and accomplished. You are proof that hard work, tears, and determination pay off.
Ever wake up, and it’s already a bad day? I mean, you are irritated the moment you open your eyes, and there is no logical reason. Generally, for me, it’s because my blood sugar is too low. But, this day in particular, my brain was just upset that I had to adult, do all the things expected of me, and couldn’t stay in the comfort of my warm bed. Recently my teenager and I talked about how as a kid she hated naps and would throw fits about going to bed, and now as a teen, all she wants to do is nap. Ha! Funny how life comes full circle.
Recently I have found that if I don’t write things down before bed those troubles are still swirling around when I wake up. I have held on to feelings that needed to be felt, processed, and then RELEASED for years. But due to my stubborn streak, I have refused to allow that to happen. Taking the time to work through old hurts and pain is a difficult process. It is important to work, but no one tells you how exhausting it is. Retraining your brain to remain calm in times of struggle or when triggered by things in your past is a full-time job.
If you struggle with PTSD, you know, or maybe I am the first to tell you, but unfortunately, it will always be a part of your daily life. It doesn’t matter how much personal or medical work we do. The adverse events of our past changed the way our brains view the current world. Trauma actually changes the chemistry of the brain. Staying on top of the psychological work becomes a daily mindset of setting healthy boundaries with yourself and those you encounter. Learning how to be assertive with others about your needs. This is of course after first knowing what those are and then allowing yourself to be recognized as a person who deserves time, attention, and affection. Juggling all of this while balancing your body’s limit for the BS life throws at us on any given day. Who am I kidding? At any given moment, am I right?
You must find a release for all the pent-up emotions. Exercise, journaling, a hobby. For me, running has always been my happy place. My headphones are on high, pounding the pavement while the music bumps in my chest. That has been my go-to when it comes to needing stress or emotional relief. 1 mile turned into 13. Whole-body exhaustion and the high from all those endorphins make me feel invincible. Becoming one with the music, for me, takes my mind off the pain my legs feel. I had a coach that always told me its ‘Mind over matter’ to which I thought he was crazy, I wish I had to opportunity to thank him for that guidance at this point in my life.
One of the mot effective ways to retrain your brain is through EMDR therapy. Rapid eye movement while thinking of a traumatic memories and simultaneously moving your body. Running with music has become my version of EMDR therapy. After my first few sessions in the office I took the the trails. I heard the lyrics, felt them, and could cry it out. This modality has helped me to process emotions in a much healthy way. Anything is more helpful than holding it in. Don’t do that shit! It will eat you alive.
**EMDR should not be dabbled with unless you are under the care of a qualified professional. One needs to be taught and experience what happens in the early sessions under the care of a therapist to start the brain rewiring process. Once you gain control of your body and know how your brain will react, do what works best for you.
The following is from very early on in my healing journey. I wasn’t sure I would or should share these words with anyone, let alone put them here for all the world to see. Then a dear friend heard my story and I was reminded that so many are struggling and need to see what others’ rock bottom looks like. There is always hope. There is always a way to rebuild yourself. Learning to regain your inner confidence and move forward. On the outside, it’s sometimes hard to see what others are dealing with—the burdens they carry. Sharing our stories and experiences can change others’ lives. Don’t be afraid to share your story. If those who hurt you mark you as the villain for speaking your truth, they should have treated you better.
So, here are my thoughts from a morning run in the wet season known as spring in the Northeast.
Why me? Didn’t I give enough? Didn’t the people closest to me know I would have given anything to see them happy? I have exhausted myself to be perfect in every aspect of my life. Yet do I even know what happiness is? As a child, I was taught by my parents that giving 100% of your attention to others was how you gained love. Sacrificing myself was how I was physically ‘seen’ as a child.
How did I get here? How did my life become so undone, messy, and uncontrollable? How do I even function when I am doing everything for everyone at the expense of myself? I feel like Dorothy in the middle of the tornado. I need to plant my feet and forge a new path. But how do I even begin to do that? I am completely in foreign territory.
This new life was scary and not something I wanted to do. Why was I given this situation? What am I going to learn from it? I missed my old life. The one I dreamed about from childhood. The only escape I had as a child was thinking of how much better my life would be. How I would be better than them, how I would show my children I loved them unconditionally and that I would always be there for them. Looking back over the last 20 years, it wasn’t perfect, and that’s ok. The last 9 were perfect for me. Or so I thought. I had a partner who I thought loved me to my core. Who I had been open and raw with. Who had stayed and held me through the toughest of nights. Just as quickly as they forced themself into my life they removed themselves. This new life I was pushed into was unfamiliar and very uncomfortable.
I missed the unit we built. The closeness. My excitement at seeing those faces and the safety I felt in their little arms. Replaying past moments has been like riding a roller coaster at the amusement park. Very emotional.
Keep running, your legs are burning, the tears are running, don’t stop now.
There were many moments when I thought it wasn’t suitable for me, and yet I didn’t want to be away from them. Despite all the trials and turbulence, I forced myself only to see the good. I often sacrificed my own needs to keep them happy. Why couldn’t you break the cycle? Why couldn’t you just put yourself first? I am frequently thinking of the quiet alone time—the little things. The vacations are in the middle of nowhere. The laughter. The acceptance. The stolen kisses and the smiles. Those should have shown you what you deserved. Those moments should have been enough to show you your worth and your ability to create what you’d always dreamed about.
Why do I feel like it was a dream? I don’t know if I will ever honestly know what was real and what was an act.
Lying was so natural for them. Were we all lying to each other or just ourselves? It makes my heart ache.
Why now? After everything we had achieved and walked through together. I was finally settling in and becoming confident. Pleased and comfortable with our relationship, our life, my body.
Why them? Why expose our little souls to this horrific life experience? All of this could have been reconciled in a much more loving tone, like adults. Why allow trauma to happen when it could have been avoided or prevented with effective
communication?
Keep running girl, don’t give up now. Feel that burning in your body, you are alive, you have lives through all this pain. You can make it, just keep going.
My answers.
I can handle this. I am learning valuable skills. I’ve also learned undeniable truths about those in my life.
I am becoming a better person for these struggles. A healthy version of who I always wanted to be.
I wasn’t doing anything for myself. I was neglecting the most important thing in this life, ME. Had things continued for much longer, who knows what would have happened? The past was taken over, I allowed that trauma to invade the happiness I had strived for. These struggles are what make you stronger physically, mentally, and emotionally.
Most importantly, you are not alone in many of these life experiences I’ve had the privilege to live through. It was time for me to use the strong voice I was blessed with to help others who were also struggling in silence.
Sweet girl, no more hiding from the outside world. Confidently stand in the light and let your brilliant light shine from within. You never know who is using your story and inner light as their only glimmer of hope.
Take the time to read the books. Listen to the podcasts. Make new connections. Take the time for yourself. Become the best and most authentic version of yourself that you’ve always wanted to be.
Those who matter don’t mind, and those who mind don’t matter.
You will reach the top of the mountain as long as you don’t give up and take it one step at a time. Just keep thinking of the breathtaking sunset from that mountaintop.
– No matter what level of the rebuilding process you are in, you are not alone.
The American Psychiatric Association says: that 3.5% of the adults in the U.S. population are diagnosed with PTSD every year. That number seems relatively minor to me. Research shows that 1 out of 11 people has been diagnosed in their lifetime. Now that might seem like a little more accurate depiction, and yet, I still believe it’s not a true number of the people who are suffering.
I was diagnosed with PTSD when I was 21, and CPTSD at 39. Unfortunately, due to my lack of knowledge about my diagnosis at 21 and my fear of gaining proper understanding and treatment, my diagnosis has changed and is now considered complex. I will be honest, I didn’t listen to medical professionals. I didn’t seek swift or timely treatment. I didn’t want to admit it was a problem. It wasn’t until I was in the thick of being a mom that my body malfunctioned and ultimately shut down from the years of stored terror and pain. Even then I resisted until there was no other choice but to give in and I finally began to listen.
Not committing to help sooner is my number one regret in life. Once I made the wholehearted choice to become healthy it was then I started to see how sick my body had become. Now that I can look back and see that because of my commitment and perseverance, I am healthier than I have been in a year.
Medical issues I have struggled with are naturally fixing themselves. It’s not all sunshine and rainbows, there are a few irreversible repercussions, and I am taking them in stride.
The universe has given me a second chance. It has allowed me to share my journey and experiences so others might feel less alone.
PTSD takes over every aspect of your life. No matter how much one may resist, the demon won’t stop until you are a slave to your thoughts and feelings. I call PTSD a demon because it is very easy to get sucked into the darkness. Stuck in the negative thought patterns. Having the courage to ask for help is the very first and extremely crucial step in gaining back some semblance of control over your life.
To those who have never struggled, asking for help seems simple, and yet the stigma associated with any mental health challenge keeps people suffering in silence for far too long.
Over the years, I have had to face and ultimately change things I have run from most of my life. Constantly running from fear. Not willing to stop, take the time to understand how and why my body was actively working against me. Then, when all the things were removed from my life that were holding me back from truly taking the time to heal those inner wounds, I was angry, terrified, and broken.
You see, I spent most of my adult days giving everything of myself to those around me to make myself feel whole. To feel like I had a purpose. My children each needed a different part of me. That, coupled with juggling other people’s needs while trying to be the perfect parent, wife, or friend, is like walking a tightrope stretched over a pit of lava. Add into that relationships that were riddled with control and psychological abuse. It became too much for my body to handle. Even though I felt whole while making them all happy, I was not taking care of myself, and it caught up to me. Our bodies really can only take so much.
When the body shuts down, it’s an internal process that for some is hard to reverse. Bodyily systems start to malfunction and the damage can all to often be irreversible.
The stress of trying to heal me from years of multiple forms of abuse, abandonment issues, and lack of trust made me feel empty and worthless. Fear of not being good enough, coupled with anger from not being seen or having my wants and needs validated, was always just below the surface. Every interaction was a struggle to look like I had it all together when trying not to break down and cry.
The book ‘The Body Keeps The Score’ is an incredible read.
It truly saved my life.
The author walks his reader through the diagnostics of the illness. The reasons for dysregulation, and, ultimately, the path to freedom.
For the first time in my adult life, my inner thoughts, unexplained feelings, and fears were finally validated.
I HIGHLY recommend getting the book, the workbook, or listening to the Audiobook version. Then, read it again.
No matter what your past has been. No matter what life experiences you’ve endured. You are worth something to someone. You are enough just the way you are. You can take control and make your life as incredible as you want.
It doesn’t come without challenges.
You will want to quit many times on your journey. Put in the work. It will be painfully hard but worth every single second. I promise that freedom, on the other side, is exhilarating.
I have always wanted to heal the broken parts of my childhood. I wanted to give my children better than I had, I wanted to be perfect for my children.
I refused to put that desperate want before their needs. What I didn’t know then was that it wasn’t a want, it was a NEED.
I knew the first step was to start cutting the negativity out of our lives so that the peace could have a place to grow. Yes, that meant cutting out and walking away from the negative people.
Honestly, that has been the most challenging part.
I am a people pleaser, have been my entire life and I am living proof that cutting people out most certainly can be done.
Listen, cupcake, if you lived through the COVID lockdowns, yes, it certainly can.
I promise.
Toxic people will continue to say you are the problem. Just let that go. The truth is they are too scared to admit their faults. It’s easier to place blame on others than to fix our weaknesses.
Weaknesses stem from unmet childhood needs.
Our weaknesses can be overcome by acknowledging that we are lovable despite our shortcomings. For years I allowed the toxic people in my life to treat me poorly, and I kept my mouth shut.
Why argue with others when you are consistently told you are the problem?
I shrank myself.
I allowed them to dictate how I would react to any given situation. I know now that submissive behavior negatively affects the way we see ourselves.
It is poison to your body.
After years of allowing yourself to be controlled by those who say they love you, one begins to believe that others’ negative words and behavior must be all your fault.
We all went to health class. We know our bodies need nutrition to survive. Unfortunately, chronic stress damages each bodily system and its functioning ability. The body can not take in what it needs when stuck in survival mode. Thankfully my body reacted before I reached a breaking point. Funny to think bottled emotions and repressed trauma played a part in saving my life.
Fight, fight, or freeze.
PTSD’s favorite F words.
Many with PTSD face unconscious cycles of these F words, sometimes hundreds of times daily. Once triggered, the brain picks one of those F words, and the body takes over. The rational part of you is no longer in control. The brain is so worried about surviving that it doesn’t have time to check in and ensure things are functioning as they should. Long-term unconscious or repressed stress begins to settle in organs and causes dysfunction and, for some, even disease.
One’s acknowledgment and steadfast commitment to becoming healthy will only take you so far. Sometimes the damage from years of high cortisol levels, high amounts of stress, and mistreatment are irreversible.
Start slow.
Try to meet your body where it is.
Love it.
I would have never taken the time to figure this out. I had too many people to think about. Too many things to worry about. Too many excuses not to put me first. For me, the journey turned into therapy by day, listening to my body by night. Weeks of tears, releasing withheld emotions, learning how to love myself and the body I live in.
Nourish it.
And remember to give yourself grace.
It took years of your body fighting a silent battle, and it can not be fixed with the snap of your fingers.
Another monumental task for people who struggle with PTSD is restorative sleep. PTSD is a fickle demon. It took months of sleepless nights to realize I was reliving all my trauma while I slept. My brain would wake exhausted, and I had no explanation.
When we sleep, our brains try to process the events from the day. For some, it is how they dream. Yet, for others, those dreams are repressed traumatic memories that are dying to get out. The brain doesn’t understand you are now safe. The body still reacts like the trauma is happening all over again. You wake frozen, covered in sweat, feeling like you just finished a marathon.
When your body does get genuine restorative sleep, it can start to heal itself.
Pretty impressive, huh?
I’m not saying people can cure all their ailments with sleep. But with PTSD, the body rarely gets the ability to rest. To feel safe. It is always on alert.
The rest and digest stage is crucial to all living things, it allows your cells to nourish themselves and gives the body the ability to start to relax and return to homeostasis.
Listen: Your heart will still try to keep beating no matter how many times it has been broke.
Think of all the times you told yourself, “I can’t do this.” Or “How am I going to get through this?” Look at you. You are still here! Taking in precious air and making other people smile. You are crushing it. If you don’t feel like you are living up to your fullest potential, start today. Begin with treating yourself like the diamond in the rough that you are. Think of how beautifully they shine after being put under all that pressure.
I believe therapy is the most crucial and necessary part of one’s healing journey, whether individual or group. When you can be validated, you start to retrain your brain to look at all your achievements and realize you did what you needed to, to survive.
I always said and felt that I was never good enough. I wasn’t a good enough mother, wife, coach, family member, or friend. Now, after having this time, being forced to be separated from the life I had built, has given me so much clarity in every interaction or situation I have been a part of. I wasn’t perfect, I made mistakes, but my children know I love them fiercely. I now see that they believe it. I know they are going to be great people.
Therapy was incredible once I fully submitted and allowed others to help me.
All I ever wanted was to find the root cause of the debilitating fear, the anger and to get myself back.
It’s hard stuff.
It took me a good week to stop being angry at the world around me to see what and who the real problem was.
I had to hit rock bottom, realize who I am, what I am made of, and rebuild.
The hardest yet most rewarding thing I’ve done to this point.
Rebuilding your life as you once dreamed it could be is a weird sense of power and confusion.
Forgive yourself.
Wake up each day and lead with positive thoughts and great thanks for being alive.
Find yourself a therapist—a good one.
Don’t be afraid to put them through the interview process. A therapist should give you the ability to word vomit all your deep dark thoughts and support you while you take the time to process each memory; painstakingly if need be. Allow yourself to go slow. Remember the tortoise and the hare ‘Slow and steady wins the race.’
I have learned on this path to ask for help and let people help you.
Asking for help doesn’t mean you are weak.
One of my most significant flaws is seeing the good in people and assuming that is who they are.
There are a lot of wolves in sheep’s clothing, please be careful.
Through this process, I’ve also learned it’s ok to let those negative toxic people from your life go. You will be ok, and life does go on without them. Stop letting other people’s thoughts or feelings cause you to feel like less of a person.
You have incredible value.
Focus on getting a complete 8-9 hrs of sleep most nights.
Get daily physical activity. Feel the warmth of the sun on your face. Find and explore your passions. The things that make you giddy. Live life with experiences and surround yourself with people who set your soul on fire.
PTSD is the mind playing tricks on you. No two people have the same reactions. There are specific diagnostic circumstances but not a single specific operating procedure. It takes time, patience, and much self-reflection and research.
Once you learn that feeling of being triggered, the flight, fright, or freeze, you become hyper-vigilant about those triggers. Being triggered becomes a mental game of chess to trick your brain out of having one of those adverse responses and begin to recognize you are no longer under attack. You have to be in control.
It can be exhausting.
Yet we all have the hard-wired ability to achieve it.
The brain is truly remarkable. There are hundreds if not thousands of survivors that are proof it is entirely possible to create new responses to things that once triggered you. You can retrain the way the brain responds in any given situation. It does take time, understanding, and a lot of work. You will fail. It’s ok. Reevaluate, get back up, and keep going. I’m not here to sugarcoat it and make you think you can heal in days or weeks. For many, it took years of trauma and stress to find the courage to seek help finally. If you commit, surround yourself with the proper support and allow yourself to feel all those scary feelings. You will come out stronger, more resilient, and with a whole new outlook on every interaction you walk into. You may even start to feel confident and comfortable in your skin.
You are brave.
You are strong.
You are loved.
You can achieve greatness.
The biggest lesson I have learned is that even though PTSD changes our brain chemistry and causes our brains to think differently, to feel emotions with more energy. We are not broken, unlovable, or less. Those changes must be looked at as tho they are positive repercussions from our past. They can cause you to have more empathy for others, and that isn’t always a bad thing.
We don’t know what people are dealing with on the inside.
Our past experiences allow us to grow, learn, and create a new life daily. Go into interactions and situations with those around you with the best intentions.
Lead with love.
Don’t be afraid to let people see the incredible person you are.
Going no contact with a narcissist can be a difficult but necessary step in protecting your mental and emotional well-being. Narcissists are individuals who have a deep need for admiration and validation from others, often at the expense of those around them. They can be manipulative, controlling, and emotionally abusive, making it challenging to maintain a healthy relationship with them.
When you realize that someone in your life is a narcissist, it can be a tough pill to swallow. You may have invested time, energy, and emotions into the relationship, only to discover that the person you thought you knew is not who they appeared to be. Accepting this reality can be painful, but it is the first step in taking back control of your own life.
Going no contact with a narcissist means cutting off all communication and contact with them. This includes blocking their phone number, unfriending them on social media, and avoiding places where you are likely to run into them. It may also involve setting boundaries with mutual friends and family members to ensure that the narcissist cannot manipulate others into contacting you on their behalf.
While going no contact with a narcissist may seem harsh, it is often the only way to protect yourself from further harm. Narcissists thrive on drama and conflict and will go to great lengths to maintain their control over others. By cutting off contact, you are refusing to engage in their toxic behavior and taking a stand for your well-being.
It is important to remember that going no contact is not a sign of weakness but rather a sign of strength. It takes courage to walk away from a toxic relationship and prioritize your own mental and emotional health. While it may be difficult at first, over time, you will come to see the benefits of removing the narcissist from your life.
One of the most important things to remember when going no contact with a narcissist is to practice self-care. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family members who understand what you are going through and can provide you with the emotional support you need. Engage in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment, and take the time to focus on your own needs and desires.
In the end, going no contact with a narcissist is about reclaiming your power and setting boundaries that protect your well-being. It is a difficult but necessary step in breaking free from the toxic cycle of manipulation and abuse. By prioritizing yourself and your mental health, you are taking a stand against the narcissist’s harmful behavior and paving the way for a brighter and healthier future.
Roar louder than your demons 