Frankly the question came to this: what was the matter with her? Was there, without her knowing it, some peculiar lack in her? Absurd. But she began to have a feeling of discouragement and hopelessness. Why couldn’t she be happy, content, somewhere Other people managed, somehow, to be. To put it plainly, didn’t she know how? Was she incapable of it?
Have you ever felt stuck? Living life every day, just going through the motions. Almost like you were living two different lives, yet not living at all?
History has shown us that in the blink of an eye, your whole world can be changed. What if the things that meant the most to you were traumatically taken away in an instant? Would your heart stop beating the right way?
When we are faced with hardship we are left to sift through the pain, disrespect, and complete disregard for anyone else feelings, and somehow process it all. It will be one heck of an educational experience, that’s for sure.
Has anyone else been given the ability to see people’s true colors, I mean, how they act when they don’t think you will find out? The truest versions of the ones you hold so dear. I am glad that we have the choice as to who we allow in our inner circle. We are not punished for walking away from those individuals who only cause us strife. It’s taken far too long to realize that just because people are blood, it doesn’t mean that they care about who you are.
Many of the people you associate with will not be there in your time of need, no matter how much you rearranged your life to be there for them during theirs. That has been a hard life lesson to learn.
“I alone cannot change the world, but I can cast a stone across the waters to create many ripples.”
Mother Teresa
Change is never easy, it’s always a tad uncomfortable, but change is inevitable for us all. Learning how to accept changes that enter our lives with grace is something they should teach kids while they are in school. It’s one of the needed human behaviors that needs to be practiced, over and over again. Radical acceptance of the world around you. Learning how to know what is and isn’t within our control.
I don’t know about you, but my anxiety is worse when I don’t have a plan in place or when I don’t know where I stand with people. Did you know that overanalyzing yourself is a trauma response? Dang old trauma.
What do you do when the universe throws you a curve ball? How do you cope when change seems to be around every corner?
In the past, I typically would fall apart, get angry, and then resist. Now, I realize I am completely capable and take it in stride.
I most certainly don’t want change to happen. But, I have learned that there must be a lesson for me and I try to shift my mindset.
Unfortunately, the changes we experience in life are how we grow as humans.
I have found that a good way to handle changes is to find yourself a great coping strategy. They may be a quiet place to scream, write, and get in touch with nature. It might be out with friends or experiencing thrilling adventures to take your mind off it. No one and I mean NO ONE wants to Focus on themselves. It’s never easy and can lead you to some pretty eye-opening and maybe even uncomfortable understandings. Give yourself the opportunity and time to conquer long-fought battles with deeply hidden inner demons from your childhood. Stuffing our difficult emotions as a child will only lead to them exploding out when you least expect it as an adult.
Learning how to laugh again, is one of the hardest hills to climb I have recently decided. It’s not easy when you have looked at the world through dark lenses for so long. But the sense of peace that comes with being your true authentic self is a feeling I hope others can enjoy. I have enjoyed taking time to enjoy the beauty of the world around me.
Spend your time working on getting physically, mentally, and emotionally healthy. Cook/eat nourishing meals again. Make sure your body is allowing itself to be nourished. Another hard life lesson, Stress will most certainly kill you if you allow it. Find ways to relax, be able to take a deep breathe. Speaking of breathing, you might be doing it the wrong way.
Check out the book “Breath: The new Science of a Lost Art” by James Nestor.
Challenge yourself to feel the inner calm, it’s like unlocking the next level in this game we could call adulthood.
I was today years old when I actually gave myself the time and ability to practice Self-care, that crap is SUPER important. Also wasn’t something I was taught as a child. For those who are on your own healing journey, it’s ok if spending time with yourself is uncomfortable. Keep doing it, it does get better.
Looking back, My life had gotten to the point where I felt like I was on autopilot. The quicksand had sucked me in.
They say to get out of quicksand you have to wiggle slowly.
If you have been through tough times. if you have seen/ experienced traumatic things. Take the time to slow down, get back to the basics, and retrain your brain on how to feel safe again.
– you are living proof you can make it through your hard days💗
I feel most like myself when I can be comfortable around people. The silly, sassy, giddy self that makes all my anxiety and worries disappear. Trusting other people has never been easy for me, if I am being honest with myself I don’t know if I will ever fully trust another person again.
I never actually learned how to trust those who walk into my life. If past experiences are what I have to go on, there isn’t a single person that can fully be trusted. They all did what they had to do to get what they wanted and didn’t seem to bother with the pain they may have caused others—pure selfishness. When push came to shove, they always chose themselves.
I believe knowing how to trust is how we begin learning to love. No one taught me what love is or what it means, how to adequately love those or be loved by those in my life. That wasn’t something I learned until I had my own children. More on them later. Maybe.
Now before you think…
‘gosh, this girl is jaded. Life isn’t all bad. People aren’t all bad, and some can be incredible.’
Logically yes, I agree with you. But, when I take time to reflect on this life, more importantly, the life I have experienced over the last few years the actions of those I grew up with educated me differently. And when I say those I grew up with, I mean over the last forty years. I am just know feeling like an adult. Healing a broken inner childhas given me the ability to feel like a productive adult. Only a handful of people in my life were kind, honest, and genuine. The maority showed me that I was replaceable and, even more, that I was worthless to them.
I have recently begun to understand that growing up a child of abusive parents has long-lasting effects. Now before you scratch your head and wonder why it’s taken me so long to realize that, let me let you in on a secret.
As parents, we might not understand that what we are doing, our parenting style, and the way we were raised, could be hurting our children’s mental health.
Parenting is generally a cycle that you continue from how your parents raised you. Many of us grow up vowing to do parenting differently. To be better than what we had. You can break the mold. It’s not easy work, you have to dare to be different.
It’s a daily conscious decision to be a better parent than you might have had. Time to think outside the box. Each of your children needs a different version of you. If you think I am wrong, there are oodles of books that will back me up. Take a trip to the bookstore for some much-deserved quality quiet time.
They may need a different version of you at different stages in their development. Mind-blowing. I know. We have to grow up with our children. Even if you’ve been a parent many times over, each child is different and requires a different set of personal and emotional ideals to be come the best versions of themselves.
It’s our job as parents to listen, be available, and be willing to set aside our wants and ideals to help these little individuals grow to be the best version of who they are. Read that last statement again if you need it. We are NOT to make them into mini versions of ourselves. Don’t push your desires on your children, it will only push them away.
I’m not suggesting you allow your children to become savages; on the contrary.
Teach boundaries and respect for others as well as for themselves. Teach self-discipline and emotional regulation. Most of all, always express a willingness to have an open mind and understanding, this is achievable with honest acceptance and unconditional love.
Let me give you a little background on who I am.
I was born to a narcissist. Abandoned by my biological father as soon as he found out about me, or at least that is what my parents always told me. And then ‘saved’ by a narcissist who chose to marry my mother ‘because of me.’ – Whatever that means.
I was an only child who desperately wanted to feel love and acceptance for the messy, sassy, and free-thinking spirit I was. My parents conditioned me from a young age to strive for perfection in every aspect of life. I had to conform to their set of ideals to gain their love and affection. If I didn’t do the right thing, say the right thing, or think the right way, I was neglected and punished. Either physically abused or ignored.
They set me up for failure from the very start. Leaving me with the lasting realization that my best, who I was at my core, would never be good enough for anyone, EVER.
I grew into a detached young adult who spent my days trying to fill a void that never could be filled—relationship after relationship that always ended in confusion and pain.
Why? Because I didn’t love myself.
I was never adequately taught how.
I felt more like a shiny accessory than a person. When my light would become dull because of self-doubt, or I began to feel comfortable around others and act like my true self, the fear of rejection took over. The open-minded and unable-to-be-silenced version of myself very rarely showed. The person I was, was inevitably replaced with someone else, someone who would always do what was expected of her. Someone afraid to say no to others.
Listen,
those of you who grew up in abusive or neglectful environments know that one can only be controlled by others for so long.
Once you learn the behavior patterns and see that you are manipulated into living a certain way, you tend to become rebellious.
Thankfully my eyes were opened when I moved out on my own.
I will talk about therapy a lot in this blog. But only because I spent years running from it. Oddly enough, therapists have been the ones who have shown me kindness, empathy, and even love.
I’ve had to pay people to show me basic human rights. Things the family I was born into should have given freely and didn’t.
All of these actions are free, by the way. And it cost zero to be a kind person to others. There are so many Good and decent people in the world who show others every day simple dignity and respect.
It took me years, a whole lot of running from myself, but finally, I am allowing the facade to come down and being raw in therapy helped me find my true self. Please don’t get me wrong; therapy was complex. I went through my fair share of ‘guides,’ mainly because I wasn’t fully ready to commit to, and admit that, I needed the help. That I have recently learned, is a very toxic trait children of abuse carry on with them. The ingrained understanding is that you have to do everything on your own or you are in some way less than others or weak.
Absolutely NOT TRUE.
Self-reflection and self-acceptance have shown me that the person I am was molded from all the abuse, trauma, and pain, she is incredible.
She is gorgeous. Inside and out.
Much stronger than I have ever given myself credit for. Such a fighter, not only because I’ve always had to be. But because I was born to be.
Now, to put down those gloves, stop fighting with myself, and love who I am and who I’ve become, that’s a chapter I soon hope to write.
I only felt love for the first time the moment I heard my children’s heartbeats—the overwhelming emotion when I saw that tiny little blip on the screen. I’d never known the true meaning of the word. My heart didn’t understand the emotions when they handed each to me for the first time. I was in awe.
My childhood experiences showed me that love didn’t exist because, at some point, the other party always hurts you or leaves. Thankfully I have been blessed that I have felt from my children the love and acceptance I didn’t get as a child. They have proven to me every day that love is an action, and it’s more abundant when shared with others.
Therapy helped me see that I have done that as their mother. I taught them how to love. Unconditionally.
I have tried to teach them how to be forgiving and kind. The universe knows they have forgiven me for more than I deserve. They know I am not perfect, and they still love me.
Watching me overcome my struggles they know we are all messy, and having faults is okay. They know Love doesn’t come with a price tag. It’s not the quantity of things you have; it’s the quality of time and the people you choose to spend it with that matter more.
If I can let my hair down, dance, and enjoy a good belly laugh around you, that’s when you know you have the best version of me. Recently I have decided that Success looks like laughs, wrinkles, gray hair, and sitting by the fire still holding hands. Watching the family I’ve built play in the backyard.
I pray that someday the universe sends me a love defying the laws of gravity. Something, and someone to grab ahold of, and it won’t ever let me go. Until then, I will continue to learn how to heal and most importantly love myself.
– Peace be with you, my friend. We are all on a journey. Try to enjoy every moment.
Girl, you tried. You gave your all and then some. You tried to be perfect for everyone that you interacted with. ALWAYS.
You ALWAYS worried over every little thing.
You allowed that worry to eat at you and over the years it broke down your view of yourself.
You are and always have been an incredible woman. You may not have known how to adequately navigate the problems that you encountered in your life so far, but you NEVER let that stop you. You ALWAYS kept a smile on your face and kept going.
Nevertheless, you learned so many lessons. Make sure to continue to carry every one of them with you. You have always been enough. I hope one day you will see that. It would help if you truly felt that. All you need to see and focus on is how your gifts are wonderfully designed to bring love and light to all you meet.
Your foundation wasn’t what it should have been. You had parents who were too worried about looking perfect so that the dark of their lives never showed. They neglected you, abused you, and conditioned you to feel worthless. You were constantly trying to achieve perfection. That level of life was never attainable, by the way. You force yourself to be someone other than who you truly are to feel love and to be accepted.
Growing up was hard. Life handed you lemons consistently.
Yet somehow you made it through. And with a smile on your face even. Boss lady status!
The abuse you suffered at the hand of those who were supposed to love, protect and guide you is unforgivable. Those people never deserved your tender heart. You are living proof that putting one foot in front of the other, even on the worst days, can be achieved with a smile. Please keep smiling, for it’s one of your best features. You lost sight of the epic life force that’s within you. I know you will find it again. When that light gets dim, grab hold of your faith and don’t ever stop searching.
One of the most essential things the past has taught you is patience. This has been a hard life lesson to come to terms with, slow and steady and you will win the race.
I’m sorry for not believing in you. I’m sorry for being so hard on you all the time. You are completely capable of achieving anything you set your mind to. It took me far too long to realize that. You’ve fought hard daily to prove to others that you deserve their time, attention, and affection. STOP THAT! It would help your heart and stress level if you didn’t have to fight so hard for those things. To find people who will see your true character and love you beyond measure. They ARE out there and you deserve them. Your past heartbreaks are not in vain. They have taught you many valuable lessons and molded you into the strong, independent, powerful woman you are becoming. Looking back, I hope you see that you deserve to be given the world and treated like a queen. Remember not to look back for too long, the road ahead is beautiful because of the darkness that lies behind.
Don’t worry, you are still healing and working on finding that person who lights you up inside. You have done so much good work. Breaking generational cycles is challenging and emotionally draining. But you, dear, you have been a rockstar. You have put so much good into the universe, regardless of what this life has put in your path. I believe it will all return when the time is right for you.
I think the saddest people always try their hardest to make people happy. Because they know what it feels like to feel absolutely worthless and they don’t want anybody else to feel like that.
-Robin Williams
Loving people and seeing their true potential is a gift. But remember, just because you have this superpower doesn’t mean those people will do the work required to live their full potential. You have always only wanted what was best for those closest to you. But they have to make those choices. Lead with love.
You are a life coach in every aspect.
You have unfortunately learned that not everyone in your circle is a good person with a good heart. You have met very few in your life so far who are genuine and deserving of your time. You have been underappreciated, undervalued, and downright used. Used for your gifts, your talents, your tender heart, and your unconditional ability to love. Yet, even after all that pain and suffering, you still have the ability and desire to love all those who walk into your life’s path. I hope in the future, you set better boundaries and stick to them.
Your ability to love even those who break your heart is a superpower.
Even though there are those you will never be able to forgive, your life will be extraordinary.
You have chosen a few who honestly don’t deserve you—having your heart continually broken by those you have given so much to can cause deep-seated anger.
Let that anger go.
It will eat at you.
All the past hurts, and repressed emotions started to show when your body manifested physical pain. It took years, but you finally took the time, accepted the help, and began uncovering the root of your PTSD. You took responsibility for others’ actions towards you. You are slowly healing and becoming healthy again.
You are finally starting to love yourself. To feel confident and comfortable in your skin. You have now built an incredible version of yourself that is unrecognizable to those who once knew you. You should be proud of all you have lived through and accomplished. You are proof that hard work, tears, and determination pay off.
The American Psychiatric Association says: that 3.5% of the adults in the U.S. population are diagnosed with PTSD every year. That number seems relatively minor to me. Research shows that 1 out of 11 people has been diagnosed in their lifetime. Now that might seem like a little more accurate depiction, and yet, I still believe it’s not a true number of the people who are suffering.
I was diagnosed with PTSD when I was 21, and CPTSD at 39. Unfortunately, due to my lack of knowledge about my diagnosis at 21 and my fear of gaining proper understanding and treatment, my diagnosis has changed and is now considered complex. I will be honest, I didn’t listen to medical professionals. I didn’t seek swift or timely treatment. I didn’t want to admit it was a problem. It wasn’t until I was in the thick of being a mom that my body malfunctioned and ultimately shut down from the years of stored terror and pain. Even then I resisted until there was no other choice but to give in and I finally began to listen.
Not committing to help sooner is my number one regret in life. Once I made the wholehearted choice to become healthy it was then I started to see how sick my body had become. Now that I can look back and see that because of my commitment and perseverance, I am healthier than I have been in a year.
Medical issues I have struggled with are naturally fixing themselves. It’s not all sunshine and rainbows, there are a few irreversible repercussions, and I am taking them in stride.
The universe has given me a second chance. It has allowed me to share my journey and experiences so others might feel less alone.
PTSD takes over every aspect of your life. No matter how much one may resist, the demon won’t stop until you are a slave to your thoughts and feelings. I call PTSD a demon because it is very easy to get sucked into the darkness. Stuck in the negative thought patterns. Having the courage to ask for help is the very first and extremely crucial step in gaining back some semblance of control over your life.
To those who have never struggled, asking for help seems simple, and yet the stigma associated with any mental health challenge keeps people suffering in silence for far too long.
Over the years, I have had to face and ultimately change things I have run from most of my life. Constantly running from fear. Not willing to stop, take the time to understand how and why my body was actively working against me. Then, when all the things were removed from my life that were holding me back from truly taking the time to heal those inner wounds, I was angry, terrified, and broken.
You see, I spent most of my adult days giving everything of myself to those around me to make myself feel whole. To feel like I had a purpose. My children each needed a different part of me. That, coupled with juggling other people’s needs while trying to be the perfect parent, wife, or friend, is like walking a tightrope stretched over a pit of lava. Add into that relationships that were riddled with control and psychological abuse. It became too much for my body to handle. Even though I felt whole while making them all happy, I was not taking care of myself, and it caught up to me. Our bodies really can only take so much.
When the body shuts down, it’s an internal process that for some is hard to reverse. Bodyily systems start to malfunction and the damage can all to often be irreversible.
The stress of trying to heal me from years of multiple forms of abuse, abandonment issues, and lack of trust made me feel empty and worthless. Fear of not being good enough, coupled with anger from not being seen or having my wants and needs validated, was always just below the surface. Every interaction was a struggle to look like I had it all together when trying not to break down and cry.
The book ‘The Body Keeps The Score’ is an incredible read.
It truly saved my life.
The author walks his reader through the diagnostics of the illness. The reasons for dysregulation, and, ultimately, the path to freedom.
For the first time in my adult life, my inner thoughts, unexplained feelings, and fears were finally validated.
I HIGHLY recommend getting the book, the workbook, or listening to the Audiobook version. Then, read it again.
No matter what your past has been. No matter what life experiences you’ve endured. You are worth something to someone. You are enough just the way you are. You can take control and make your life as incredible as you want.
It doesn’t come without challenges.
You will want to quit many times on your journey. Put in the work. It will be painfully hard but worth every single second. I promise that freedom, on the other side, is exhilarating.
I have always wanted to heal the broken parts of my childhood. I wanted to give my children better than I had, I wanted to be perfect for my children.
I refused to put that desperate want before their needs. What I didn’t know then was that it wasn’t a want, it was a NEED.
I knew the first step was to start cutting the negativity out of our lives so that the peace could have a place to grow. Yes, that meant cutting out and walking away from the negative people.
Honestly, that has been the most challenging part.
I am a people pleaser, have been my entire life and I am living proof that cutting people out most certainly can be done.
Listen, cupcake, if you lived through the COVID lockdowns, yes, it certainly can.
I promise.
Toxic people will continue to say you are the problem. Just let that go. The truth is they are too scared to admit their faults. It’s easier to place blame on others than to fix our weaknesses.
Weaknesses stem from unmet childhood needs.
Our weaknesses can be overcome by acknowledging that we are lovable despite our shortcomings. For years I allowed the toxic people in my life to treat me poorly, and I kept my mouth shut.
Why argue with others when you are consistently told you are the problem?
I shrank myself.
I allowed them to dictate how I would react to any given situation. I know now that submissive behavior negatively affects the way we see ourselves.
It is poison to your body.
After years of allowing yourself to be controlled by those who say they love you, one begins to believe that others’ negative words and behavior must be all your fault.
We all went to health class. We know our bodies need nutrition to survive. Unfortunately, chronic stress damages each bodily system and its functioning ability. The body can not take in what it needs when stuck in survival mode. Thankfully my body reacted before I reached a breaking point. Funny to think bottled emotions and repressed trauma played a part in saving my life.
Fight, fight, or freeze.
PTSD’s favorite F words.
Many with PTSD face unconscious cycles of these F words, sometimes hundreds of times daily. Once triggered, the brain picks one of those F words, and the body takes over. The rational part of you is no longer in control. The brain is so worried about surviving that it doesn’t have time to check in and ensure things are functioning as they should. Long-term unconscious or repressed stress begins to settle in organs and causes dysfunction and, for some, even disease.
One’s acknowledgment and steadfast commitment to becoming healthy will only take you so far. Sometimes the damage from years of high cortisol levels, high amounts of stress, and mistreatment are irreversible.
Start slow.
Try to meet your body where it is.
Love it.
I would have never taken the time to figure this out. I had too many people to think about. Too many things to worry about. Too many excuses not to put me first. For me, the journey turned into therapy by day, listening to my body by night. Weeks of tears, releasing withheld emotions, learning how to love myself and the body I live in.
Nourish it.
And remember to give yourself grace.
It took years of your body fighting a silent battle, and it can not be fixed with the snap of your fingers.
Another monumental task for people who struggle with PTSD is restorative sleep. PTSD is a fickle demon. It took months of sleepless nights to realize I was reliving all my trauma while I slept. My brain would wake exhausted, and I had no explanation.
When we sleep, our brains try to process the events from the day. For some, it is how they dream. Yet, for others, those dreams are repressed traumatic memories that are dying to get out. The brain doesn’t understand you are now safe. The body still reacts like the trauma is happening all over again. You wake frozen, covered in sweat, feeling like you just finished a marathon.
When your body does get genuine restorative sleep, it can start to heal itself.
Pretty impressive, huh?
I’m not saying people can cure all their ailments with sleep. But with PTSD, the body rarely gets the ability to rest. To feel safe. It is always on alert.
The rest and digest stage is crucial to all living things, it allows your cells to nourish themselves and gives the body the ability to start to relax and return to homeostasis.
Listen: Your heart will still try to keep beating no matter how many times it has been broke.
Think of all the times you told yourself, “I can’t do this.” Or “How am I going to get through this?” Look at you. You are still here! Taking in precious air and making other people smile. You are crushing it. If you don’t feel like you are living up to your fullest potential, start today. Begin with treating yourself like the diamond in the rough that you are. Think of how beautifully they shine after being put under all that pressure.
I believe therapy is the most crucial and necessary part of one’s healing journey, whether individual or group. When you can be validated, you start to retrain your brain to look at all your achievements and realize you did what you needed to, to survive.
I always said and felt that I was never good enough. I wasn’t a good enough mother, wife, coach, family member, or friend. Now, after having this time, being forced to be separated from the life I had built, has given me so much clarity in every interaction or situation I have been a part of. I wasn’t perfect, I made mistakes, but my children know I love them fiercely. I now see that they believe it. I know they are going to be great people.
Therapy was incredible once I fully submitted and allowed others to help me.
All I ever wanted was to find the root cause of the debilitating fear, the anger and to get myself back.
It’s hard stuff.
It took me a good week to stop being angry at the world around me to see what and who the real problem was.
I had to hit rock bottom, realize who I am, what I am made of, and rebuild.
The hardest yet most rewarding thing I’ve done to this point.
Rebuilding your life as you once dreamed it could be is a weird sense of power and confusion.
Forgive yourself.
Wake up each day and lead with positive thoughts and great thanks for being alive.
Find yourself a therapist—a good one.
Don’t be afraid to put them through the interview process. A therapist should give you the ability to word vomit all your deep dark thoughts and support you while you take the time to process each memory; painstakingly if need be. Allow yourself to go slow. Remember the tortoise and the hare ‘Slow and steady wins the race.’
I have learned on this path to ask for help and let people help you.
Asking for help doesn’t mean you are weak.
One of my most significant flaws is seeing the good in people and assuming that is who they are.
There are a lot of wolves in sheep’s clothing, please be careful.
Through this process, I’ve also learned it’s ok to let those negative toxic people from your life go. You will be ok, and life does go on without them. Stop letting other people’s thoughts or feelings cause you to feel like less of a person.
You have incredible value.
Focus on getting a complete 8-9 hrs of sleep most nights.
Get daily physical activity. Feel the warmth of the sun on your face. Find and explore your passions. The things that make you giddy. Live life with experiences and surround yourself with people who set your soul on fire.
PTSD is the mind playing tricks on you. No two people have the same reactions. There are specific diagnostic circumstances but not a single specific operating procedure. It takes time, patience, and much self-reflection and research.
Once you learn that feeling of being triggered, the flight, fright, or freeze, you become hyper-vigilant about those triggers. Being triggered becomes a mental game of chess to trick your brain out of having one of those adverse responses and begin to recognize you are no longer under attack. You have to be in control.
It can be exhausting.
Yet we all have the hard-wired ability to achieve it.
The brain is truly remarkable. There are hundreds if not thousands of survivors that are proof it is entirely possible to create new responses to things that once triggered you. You can retrain the way the brain responds in any given situation. It does take time, understanding, and a lot of work. You will fail. It’s ok. Reevaluate, get back up, and keep going. I’m not here to sugarcoat it and make you think you can heal in days or weeks. For many, it took years of trauma and stress to find the courage to seek help finally. If you commit, surround yourself with the proper support and allow yourself to feel all those scary feelings. You will come out stronger, more resilient, and with a whole new outlook on every interaction you walk into. You may even start to feel confident and comfortable in your skin.
You are brave.
You are strong.
You are loved.
You can achieve greatness.
The biggest lesson I have learned is that even though PTSD changes our brain chemistry and causes our brains to think differently, to feel emotions with more energy. We are not broken, unlovable, or less. Those changes must be looked at as tho they are positive repercussions from our past. They can cause you to have more empathy for others, and that isn’t always a bad thing.
We don’t know what people are dealing with on the inside.
Our past experiences allow us to grow, learn, and create a new life daily. Go into interactions and situations with those around you with the best intentions.
Lead with love.
Don’t be afraid to let people see the incredible person you are.
Describe one positive change you have made in your life.
Photo Credit: LHJ
Over the last year, I have made several small daily changes to become who I have always wanted to be. The best version of myself that has been hidden from the world. No longer will I fit into the pretty little box I’ve stood in since childhood? No longer will I ‘Sit still and look pretty’. Hell no! I will Be loud, proud and experience my life to the fullest every single day.
Writing has always been a passion of mine. Writing has given me peace in the most turbulent times. Honestly, it saved my life many times during my childhood and teenage years. I am both scared and extremely excited to share this life’s journey with others. Sharing my voice has always given me anxiety. I was conditioned as a child to be seen and not heard. I have recently learned that I am not alone in many of my life experiences, and the simple act of validating others’ feelings and life experiences can help heal your inner wounds. Finding the strength to publish pieces of my living portfolio for others hasn’t been easy. Many a tearful night worrying what the response would be. I have never given myself the ability to express my thoughts and feelings so openly or freely due to a deep seeded fear of abandonment and rejection. Instead, I would write in private, locking those words away from the world. I have recently learned that fear only keeps us from becoming the most authentic version of who we are.
Most recently, writing has given me an inner sense of needed strength. An extraordinary new power and determination in times when life has had me standing on the edge of darkness. It has taken me thirty years and an abundance of work in therapy, to finally allow others to know the most authentic version of me.
My one positive change is writing it out. allowing myself to process each day in my own words, sitting and being one with my thoughts. Like an artist, I find myself painting a picture of hope for those who are also struggling every day just like me to look perfect to the outside world. I’ll let you in on a little secret, we are all messy, and that is what makes us truly beautiful.
Throughout these posts, I will share traumatic memories, twilight zone life experiences, unconditional love, and a new sense of self that I am starting to uncover. Join me on this wonderful journey of self-discovery, healing, and deep understanding of one’s self. I hope you can walk away with the understanding that you are not alone, your life is what you make of it, and please don’t let others write your story. Take control and be the author of the memoir that is your spectacular life.
Roar louder than your demons 