PTSD – Roar louder than your demons

When Narcissists Point Fingers: The Truth About Projection

August 25th, 2025

Narcissistic projection is one of the more confusing—and emotionally painful—behaviors you might encounter in relationships with narcissists. But what exactly is it, why do narcissists do it, and how can you recognize it?

Let’s dive in.

What Is Narcissistic Projection?

At its core, projection is a defense mechanism where someone unconsciously attributes their own unwanted thoughts, feelings, or traits onto someone else.

When it comes to narcissistic projection, a narcissist projects their own flaws, insecurities, or negative qualities onto others to avoid facing them themselves. It’s like they hold up a mirror—but instead of showing their own reflection, they shove their darker side onto you.

For example, a narcissist who is deeply insecure about their honesty might frequently accuse others of lying. Or someone who is manipulative might constantly call others “manipulative,” diverting attention away from their own behavior.

Why Do Narcissists Project?

Narcissists often have fragile self-esteem underneath their grandiose exterior. They avoid acknowledging anything that could threaten their carefully crafted self-image. Projection serves several purposes for them:

Deflecting Blame: It’s easier to accuse someone else than to admit their own shortcomings. Maintaining Control: By confusing or gaslighting others, they keep the upper hand. Protecting Their Ego: Admitting flaws would damage their inflated sense of self.

In essence, projection is a way for narcissists to shield themselves from uncomfortable truths.

Common Signs of Narcissistic Projection

If you’re wondering whether you’re experiencing narcissistic projection, here are some red flags to watch for:

Frequent accusations of the very behavior you don’t engage in. Blame-shifting during conflicts, where the narcissist never takes responsibility. Gaslighting, making you question your own reality or memory. Feeling confused or guilty despite not doing anything wrong. The narcissist mirroring your feelings or behaviors negatively.

How to Protect Yourself from Narcissistic Projection

Being targeted by projection can make you doubt yourself and erode your confidence. Here’s how to protect your mental and emotional health:

Recognize it: Understand that their accusations often reflect their own issues, not yours. Set boundaries: Don’t engage in blame games or attempts to “fix” their perception. Trust your reality: Keep a clear sense of your own truth and feelings. Seek support: Talk to trusted friends, family, or a therapist who can validate your experience. Limit contact: When possible, reduce exposure to toxic narcissistic behavior.

Final Thoughts

Narcissistic projection is a painful but revealing behavior. It shows how desperate a narcissist can be to avoid self-awareness. While it can be challenging to navigate, understanding projection empowers you to maintain your own sense of reality and protect your emotional well-being.

If you have been hurt by someone exhibiting narcissistic behaviors—such as constant blame, manipulation, or projection—it is important to recognize that these experiences can have significant emotional and psychological effects. Whether for yourself or someone you know, seeking professional support is a critical step toward healing. Mental health professionals, such as therapists specializing in narcissistic abuse recovery, support groups, and trusted healthcare providers, can offer guidance and resources to help navigate the challenges and rebuild emotional well-being. Remember, help is available, and recovery is possible.

-🦩

If you or someone you know is in an abusive situation, please know that you are not alone. Help is available. You deserve safety, love, and a life free from harm.

Why Some Men and Women Struggle with Monogamy

August 23rd, 2025

We grew up on the same story: find “the one,” settle down, live happily ever after. Fairy tales, romantic comedies, even Instagram hashtags make it seem like monogamy is the ultimate goal—and that if you can’t do it, something’s wrong with you.

But what if that’s not the whole truth? What if some people aren’t wired for lifelong exclusivity, and it has nothing to do with being “bad” or “unfaithful”? The reality is more complex than the happily-ever-after script. Let’s talk about why some men and women just can’t seem to stay in a monogamous lane—and why that might be okay.

1. Our Brains Weren’t Exactly Built for It

From an evolutionary standpoint, humans have two conflicting drives: one to pair up for stability, and another to spread our genes far and wide. Historically, men benefitted from having multiple partners to increase chances of reproduction, while women needed stable partnerships for protection and resources. Those old instincts didn’t just disappear because we invented wedding rings.

2. Attachment Styles Play a Big Role

Ever heard of attachment theory? If someone grew up with inconsistent love, they might develop an avoidant attachment style, making them feel trapped in committed relationships. On the flip side, people with anxious attachment might cling too tightly and still fear abandonment—sometimes sabotaging relationships in the process.

3. We Love That “New Relationship Energy”

You know that spark when you first meet someone—the butterflies, the late-night texts, the can’t-keep-your-hands-off-each-other phase? That’s dopamine flooding your brain. The problem? It fades. For some people, when that buzz wears off, so does their interest. They start chasing that high again… with someone new.

4. Society and Culture Shape Us

Here’s something interesting: in cultures where monogamy is the only accepted way, cheating rates can actually be higher. Why? Because people feel trapped, and secrecy becomes the outlet. In more open-minded cultures where people can define their own rules, there’s often less cheating because the expectations are clear.

5. Unmet Needs Lead to Wanderlust

When emotional or physical needs aren’t met in a relationship, some people look elsewhere. That doesn’t excuse dishonesty, but it explains why honest conversations about needs, desires, and boundaries matter so much.

6. Personality and Values Matter, Too

Some people just thrive on novelty. They’re wired to crave excitement and spontaneity. Others value freedom over stability. If you’re that kind of person, strict monogamy might feel like trying to fit a square peg in a round hole.

So… Is Monogamy Dead?

Not at all. Plenty of people make it work beautifully. But the key is honesty—with yourself and with your partner. If you know exclusivity isn’t for you, own that. If it is, communicate what you need to feel secure and fulfilled. At the end of the day, relationships don’t come with a one-size-fits-all rulebook.

What do you think—are humans really meant to be monogamous, or is it just a story we’ve been told? Drop your thoughts in the comments. Let’s start the conversation.

-🦩

“I Said I Was Sorry”: When Forgiveness Feels Like a One-Way Street

August 17th, 2025

You haven’t spoken to me in a year. You don’t know the person I’ve become, the changes I’ve made, or the lessons I’ve learned. Yet somehow, my past mistakes are still sitting in the room between us like uninvited guests.

I said I was sorry.

Not because it was easy, but because it mattered to me. Because I valued what we had, and I understood the weight of what I did. But sometimes, it feels like those words fell into a void—echoing back as reminders of who I used to be, not who I am today.

When Apologies Get Stuck in Time

The hardest part about growth is realizing that some people will never see it. They freeze-frame you at your lowest moment, even as you’ve worked tirelessly to move forward. They clutch the version of you that made the mistake and hold it like evidence in a trial that never ends.

But here’s the truth:

I am not that person anymore. I can own what I did without being defined by it forever. My apology was real, but so was my evolution.

Why Do We Do This to Each Other?

Maybe it’s easier to hold on to hurt than to risk trusting again. Maybe forgiveness feels like surrender, like saying what happened didn’t matter. But forgiveness isn’t forgetting. Forgiveness is freedom—from resentment, from bitterness, from being chained to a version of the past we can’t change.

When you refuse to let go, you’re not just punishing me—you’re punishing yourself.

What You Don’t See Now

You haven’t heard the way I talk to myself differently now.

You haven’t seen the boundaries I’ve built to prevent old patterns.

You don’t know the nights I spent unpacking the “why” behind my choices, the therapy sessions, the quiet prayers, the relentless work of becoming someone better.

You only know who I was. Not who I am.

So Here’s What I Need You to Understand

I said I was sorry because I meant it.

But if you can’t see beyond the apology—if you can’t allow space for redemption—then that’s not about me anymore. That’s about what you’re holding on to. You projections will no longer hold me back. I won’t stay stuck in a story that no longer fits.

I’ve turned the page.

Even if you never do.

-🦩

Shouldn’t Have to Be the Bigger Person

June 15th, 2025

There’s a phrase we’ve all heard too many times:

“Just be the bigger person.”

At first glance, it sounds noble, like taking the high road, rising above, choosing peace. What happens when it becomes an expectation placed almost entirely on one person, over and over again? What happens when being the bigger person feels less like maturity and more like emotional labor being dumped on you?

Let’s be honest:

You shouldn’t always have to be the bigger person.

The Unfair Burden of Maturity

Being the bigger person often means swallowing anger, letting disrespect slide, and silencing our own hurt to preserve someone else’s comfort. It’s a concept wrapped in the illusion of strength, but sometimes it just feels like being told to tolerate unacceptable behavior.

Why is it that the people who care, who try, who reflect and grow why are they the ones constantly told to rise above? It becomes a loop: someone acts out, crosses a line, or refuses accountability, and somehow you end up being the one expected to “do the right thing” by letting it go.

It’s exhausting. And it’s unfair.

When Forgiveness Feels Like a Demand

There’s nothing wrong with being kind or offering grace. When kindness becomes a requirement rather than a choice, it turns toxic. You start to question your own boundaries. You feel guilty for having emotions. You wonder if you’re the problem just because you don’t want to play peacekeeper anymore.

Let’s be clear:

Choosing to walk away, set a boundary, or even speak up isn’t a failure of character.

It’s a form of self-respect.

You’re allowed to be angry. You’re allowed to say “this hurt me.” You’re allowed to not be ready to forgive, especially if the other person hasn’t shown growth or remorse.

The Myth of Emotional Superiority

Being the bigger person often becomes a weapon dressed up as wisdom. People will use it to silence conflict, avoid accountability, or dismiss the depth of your pain.

True maturity isn’t just about staying quiet it’s about knowing when to speak up. It’s about having the courage to say: this isn’t okay. It’s about refusing to carry emotional weight that doesn’t belong to you.

You don’t owe your grace to people who weaponize your compassion.

So What Should We Be Saying?

Instead of “be the bigger person,” maybe we should be saying:

• “You’re allowed to protect your peace.”

• “You don’t have to keep tolerating mistreatment.”

• “It’s okay to expect more from the people around you.”

Growth isn’t about endless self-sacrifice. It’s about knowing when to give and when to stop giving.

Choosing not to be the bigger person isn’t weakness. It’s sometimes the strongest, bravest thing you can do. Standing up for yourself, reclaiming your voice, and refusing to carry the emotional baggage of others is not petty. It’s powerful.

So the next time someone tells you to be the bigger person, pause and ask yourself:

“Why is that my job?”

Because maybe—just maybe—it’s time someone else stepped up. You don’t always have to be the bigger person. You just have to be the honest one.

-🦩

The Power of Words

June 14th, 2025

I wore the silence like a skin,

it crept in slow, then settled in.

Not fists, not bruises, just a glance,

a word, a threat wrapped in romance.

He didn’t shout; he rearranged

my thoughts until they sounded strange.

Was I too loud? Too weak? Too much?

He’d answer questions with a touch

a cold one, quick to let me know

how far his quiet rage could go.

He built a world where I was small,

where guilt and shame stood ten feet tall.

I stayed because I couldn’t see

where he ended, and where was me.

Because apologies came fast,

and softer than the screaming past.

Because “you’re crazy” felt like truth,

And every fight erased my youth.

I didn’t leave, because I learned

to twist the pain and call it earned.

Because love taught me to obey,

to hope, to break, and then to stay.

Because no one saw the war inside,

where part of me had slowly died.

And leaving meant I’d have to face

the wreckage of a hollow place.

But now I write, and now I breathe,

and every word helps me unweave

the knots he tied around my name and slowly, I release the blame.

So maybe I didn’t leave back then, but I’m not her. I’m me again.

-🦩

He Never “Hit” Her…..

November 8th, 2024

Often, women are portrayed as the “crazy ones” due to behavior that is directly connected to their partner’s inappropriate and abusive actions. Knowing that we all can control our thoughts and behaviors, we as women must remember we are also imperfect humans and tend to take on more than we should due to societal expectations. When pushed to our breaking point by those who have vowed to love, support, and care for us, we learn what we are truly made of.