The other day, I was put in an impossible position—the kind of moment that splits your life into a before-and-after.
You know the ones: when a simple lie could smooth the edges of a jagged reality, keep the world spinning neatly on its axis, and spare everyone the pain of truth. But instead, the words catch in your throat, your mind freezes, and the truth escapes raw, unfiltered, uninvited.
I grew up in a house where lying was beaten out of me, not metaphorically, but literally. A lie was met with the sharpest punishments, with words that cut deeper than any belt or hand ever could. I learned to equate lying with danger, shame, and punishment. So I shaped my identity around being honest, sometimes brutally so. I wore it as armor, a shield I could hold up to the world to say: Look, I am good. I am trustworthy. I am safe.
Before this moment, I never wanted to lie. Honesty felt like a safe path even if it meant losing people, disappointing them, or standing alone. But in this moment… oh, how I wanted to lie. More than anything, I wanted to offer a comforting falsehood, to shield hearts from breaking and lives from unraveling.
But when the time came, I froze. I felt that old familiar tension in my chest, the one that used to come right before punishment. The weight of my upbringing pressed down on me, suffocating. And instead of telling the gentle lie that could have protected everyone, I choked out the truth.
And with that truth, something shifted. I saw faces fall, heard the silent cracks echo between us. I watched as the trajectory of lives — not just mine — began to bend in ways I could not control.
The guilt wasn’t just about hurting someone with honesty; it was about betraying the new part of me that wanted, just this once, to be merciful with a lie. The child in me, the one who learned that lies meant survival, collided violently with the adult who had spent a lifetime trying to do the “right” thing.
In that moment, I realized that honesty isn’t always the noble, sparkling choice we like to believe it is. Sometimes, it’s a knife. Sometimes, it’s a wrecking ball. And sometimes, it’s a truth no one is ready to hear, not even the one speaking it.
I don’t know if courage or cowardice kept me from lying that day. I only know that it was deeply human, messy, flawed, and painful.
What I do know is this: we can’t always choose the perfect version of ourselves in moments of crisis. We can only stand there, frozen, trying to do right by the versions of ourselves we’ve been, and the people we love, even as the truth sets fires we can’t put out.
Maybe in another life, I would have lied. Maybe in that other life, people would be happier today. But this is my life my imperfect, honest, heart-aching life. And I’m still learning to forgive myself for the truths I tell, and the lies I can’t.
At first glance, it sounds noble, like taking the high road, rising above, choosing peace. What happens when it becomes an expectation placed almost entirely on one person, over and over again? What happens when being the bigger person feels less like maturity and more like emotional labor being dumped on you?
Let’s be honest:
You shouldn’t always have to be the bigger person.
The Unfair Burden of Maturity
Being the bigger person often means swallowing anger, letting disrespect slide, and silencing our own hurt to preserve someone else’s comfort. It’s a concept wrapped in the illusion of strength, but sometimes it just feels like being told to tolerate unacceptable behavior.
Why is it that the people who care, who try, who reflect and grow why are they the ones constantly told to rise above? It becomes a loop: someone acts out, crosses a line, or refuses accountability, and somehow you end up being the one expected to “do the right thing” by letting it go.
It’s exhausting. And it’s unfair.
When Forgiveness Feels Like a Demand
There’s nothing wrong with being kind or offering grace. When kindness becomes a requirement rather than a choice, it turns toxic. You start to question your own boundaries. You feel guilty for having emotions. You wonder if you’re the problem just because you don’t want to play peacekeeper anymore.
Let’s be clear:
Choosing to walk away, set a boundary, or even speak up isn’t a failure of character.
It’s a form of self-respect.
You’re allowed to be angry. You’re allowed to say “this hurt me.” You’re allowed to not be ready to forgive, especially if the other person hasn’t shown growth or remorse.
The Myth of Emotional Superiority
Being the bigger person often becomes a weapon dressed up as wisdom. People will use it to silence conflict, avoid accountability, or dismiss the depth of your pain.
True maturity isn’t just about staying quiet it’s about knowing when to speak up. It’s about having the courage to say: this isn’t okay. It’s about refusing to carry emotional weight that doesn’t belong to you.
You don’t owe your grace to people who weaponize your compassion.
So What Should We Be Saying?
Instead of “be the bigger person,” maybe we should be saying:
• “You’re allowed to protect your peace.”
• “You don’t have to keep tolerating mistreatment.”
• “It’s okay to expect more from the people around you.”
Growth isn’t about endless self-sacrifice. It’s about knowing when to give and when to stop giving.
Choosing not to be the bigger person isn’t weakness. It’s sometimes the strongest, bravest thing you can do. Standing up for yourself, reclaiming your voice, and refusing to carry the emotional baggage of others is not petty. It’s powerful.
So the next time someone tells you to be the bigger person, pause and ask yourself:
“Why is that my job?”
Because maybe—just maybe—it’s time someone else stepped up. You don’t always have to be the bigger person. You just have to be the honest one.
I’ve been researching lately and have gotten away from the more down-to-earth conversation style. This topic has been nagging at me for a while now, and I wanted to get my readers take on if they have ever been in this situation. Over the last few years, I have relearned that effective communication is the bedrock of all human relationships, is vital for resolving conflicts, helps us foster an understanding of each other, and truly helps rebuild connections. However, when estrangement clouds a relationship, communication becomes a monumental task.
Estrangement is often the result of profound misunderstandings, deep emotional wounds, or continued personal conflicts. It creates a formidable barrier that hinders genuine dialogue. I would like to discuss the trials of communicating with someone you are estranged from, examining the emotional, psychological, and practical challenges, and offering strategies that may help you navigate the complicated terrain.
Emotional Landscape
Let’s start with the emotional dimension, as it is arguably the most significant challenge in communicating with an estranged person. The act of becoming estranged from another person typically stems from deep-seated emotional wounds from a relationship, resulting in a plethora of negative emotions such as anger, resentment, fear, and sadness. These emotions, if not expressed and dealt with, can severely impede the ability to engage in constructive dialogue to fix the situation.
The mere thought of initiating contact with an estranged individual can evoke intense emotional responses within us. A fear of rejection, anxiety about confrontation, and memories of past hurts can paralyze any attempts to communicate. Being transparent, both parties may harbor unresolved feelings that cloud their judgment and impede their natural abilities for open communication.
Resentment and anger often simmer beneath the surface in most estranged relationships. Like a slow boiling pot of water, these emotions can lead to defensiveness, making it difficult for either party to listen empathetically or acknowledge each other’s perspectives. Anger, in particular, can result in immediate aggressive forms of communication, further entrenching the divide that is already established.
Effective communication requires vulnerability. This is a willingness to expose one’s feelings and admit mistakes. It is far from easy for anyone, regardless of the current situation. For estranged individuals, this vulnerability can be terrifying. The fear of being hurt again or having one’s emotions invalidated can stifle sincere and honest conversation.
Beyond emotions, psychological factors also play a crucial role in communication difficulties. These factors can distort our perceptions, create misunderstandings, and perpetuate the continued cycle of estrangement. That is unless we take a deep breath and try to start from a place of peace.
Our brains, as wonderful as they are, can distort how we perceive each other’s actions and intentions. This leads us to favor information that confirms our feelings about the other person’s negative behavior over that of their character rather than potential situational factors. This reinforces our negative views of the other person and hinders the reconciliation efforts. When we are estranged from another individual, we often interpret their words and actions through a lens of suspicion and mistrust. Innocuous statements can be misconstrued as hostile, and well-intentioned gestures may be viewed with skepticism. This miscommunication exacerbates the estrangement, creating a vicious cycle of misunderstanding.
Add to this our excellent internal defense mechanisms, such as denial, projection, and rationalization, and we can make up any story we want with a few misguided gestures. These defenses protect us from emotional pain and prevent us from acknowledging our role in the estrangement or understanding of the other person’s perspective.
Practical Challenges
As if the emotional and psychological hurdles weren’t enough, lets take a moment to explore some more practical challenges that can complicate attempts at effective communication with someone we are missing. Physical distance, time constraints, and differing schedules can make it challenging to find opportunities for calm communication. In today’s digital age, while technology can bridge some gaps, it also presents challenges. Such as miscommunication through text or email where tone and intent can be easily misconstrued. We’ve all been there, when a simple Ok makes us red in the face because of the angery voice inside our head.
Friends, family members, or other third parties may influence the estranged individuals’ desire to communicate, often exacerbating the situation. Well-meaning but prejudiced advice can implant negative views and discourage any attempts at reconciliation.
Finding a neutral and supportive environment in which both parties can feel comfortable communicating is critical. Public places may not provide the privacy needed for honest, open dialogue, while familiar settings associated with past conflicts may trigger negative emotions. You may need to get creative about finding or creating a safe and neutral space essential for productive communication.
Effective Communication
Despite this, effective communication with an estranged person is not impossible. What are things we might be able to do to assist in the initial stage of reconciliation? Before attempting to communicate, both parties should self-reflect to understand their emotions, biases, and contributions to the estrangement. This could be done alone or with a therapist. Developing emotional regulation skills can help in all aspects of our lives as it will help us manage intense feelings and respond calmly during stressful interactions. You might be in luck if you have never tried mediation or counseling. Due to the World Wide Web and social media, a simple search of either buzzword will give you enough options to scroll through for hours. Now, not all of what you might find will be helpful. Remember that everyone needs help at some point in their lives, and it doesn’t make you any less of a person. Counseling and meditation can provide a structured environment for you to learn more about yourself and how you can effectively communicate with those around you.
If things are complicated, but both parties are willing to work on the issues that are dividing them, court mediators or a therapist can help facilitate dialogue, ensuring that both parties feel heard and understood. They can also offer tools and techniques to improve communication and address underlying issues as you navigate your journey.
Approaching conversations with clear intentions and boundaries can prevent misunderstandings and manage expectations. Both parties should start by articulating their goals for the conversation, whether seeking closure, a better understanding what went wrong, or rebuilding the relationship. Setting these boundaries around sensitive topics can help keep the dialogue focused and respectful. Active listening is also something that both parties dealing with estrangement need to understand and practice. This involves fully concentrating on the words being spoken, understanding the other person’s point of view, responding with consideration, and remembering what the other person is saying while you are responding. This type of communication requires empathy, which is the ability to understand and share the other person’s feelings, not getting defensive or feeling attacked by their words. Practicing active listening and empathy can help break down barriers and foster mutual understanding in any relationship, not just those currently struggling. I have learned that communication can be improved by using “I” statements. This focuses on expressing one’s feelings and experiences rather than blaming or criticizing the other person. For example, saying “I feel hurt when…” instead of “You always…” can help reduce the other person’s defensiveness and open the door to more constructive dialogue. Now, this is a two-way street. No one is perfect, and this is the part where real hard work is done. If the relationship you are trying to save is worth it for both parties, you will see and feel active participation; if not, you’ll know not to waste your breath and move on.
Patience and Persistence In-person conversations may be ideal for addressing complex issues, but if that’s not feasible, video calls, phone calls, or even letters can also be effective. The chosen medium should facilitate clear and respectful communication. While it’s important to acknowledge past issues, dwelling excessively on past conflicts can hinder forward progress. Focusing on the present and future, and discussing how to move forward constructively, can help shift the conversation towards reconciliation.
Rebuilding communication with an estranged person is a gradual process that requires loving patience and steadfast persistence. Recognizing that progress may be slow and setbacks are inevitable is essential. Staying committed to the process, even when challenging, is crucial for both parties to see each other’s willingness, which hopefully leads to reconciliation.
Communicating effectively with someone you are estranged from is a challenging endeavor fraught with emotional, psychological, and practical obstacles. However, through some self-reflection, a little emotional regulation, maybe even a tad of professional help and mediation, and a lot of active listening, we can show each other a commitment to patience and persistence to fix the bond and relationship that has been tattered. It is possible to navigate and rebuild a meaningful connection. The journey may be difficult, but the potential for healing and reconciliation makes the effort worthwhile.
Identifying and understanding triggers is an essential aspect of self-awareness and emotional intelligence. Triggers are those specific situations, events, or people that evoke intense emotional or physical reactions within us.
These reactions can range from feelings of anger, sadness, fear, or even physical symptoms like sweating or trembling. Recognizing and understanding our triggers is crucial to managing emotions and navigating challenging situations effectively.
One of the first steps in identifying triggers is to pay attention to our emotional responses in different situations. When we feel a sudden surge of emotion or a strong physical reaction, we must pause and examine what might have triggered that response. It could be a particular comment, a certain tone of voice, or even a specific place that brings up memories or unresolved issues. By being mindful of our reactions, we can pinpoint our triggers and understand why they affect us profoundly.
Understanding our triggers involves delving deeper into the underlying causes of our emotional responses. Triggers are often linked to past experiences, trauma, or deeply held beliefs that shape our perceptions and reactions. For example, someone who experienced rejection in childhood may be triggered by feelings of abandonment in their adult relationships. By exploring the root causes of our triggers, we can unravel the patterns that drive our emotional reactions and gain greater self-awareness.
Once we have identified and understood our triggers, the next step is learning how to manage them effectively. This may involve developing coping strategies, setting boundaries, or seeking support from others. For example, someone who is triggered by conflict may practice deep breathing exercises or assertive communication techniques to calm themselves down and healthily express their feelings. By taking proactive steps to manage our triggers, we can prevent them from overpowering us and maintain control over our emotions.
Identifying and understanding one’s triggers is vital to emotional self-care and personal growth. By being attuned to our emotional responses, exploring the root causes of our triggers, and developing effective coping mechanisms, we can navigate life’s challenges with resilience and grace. Remember, triggering is okay – a natural response to past wounds and experiences. Acknowledging and addressing our triggers can cultivate a more profound compassion and empathy towards ourselves and others.
I locked my heart away in a cage of stone, where loneliness reigns and love is unknown. I hide my pain behind walls of fear, afraid to let you come too close my dear.
I’ve built these barriers brick by brick, shielding my heart from becoming lovesick. But deep down inside, I long to be free, to open up and allow you to see the real me.
Yet past scars whisper caution in my ear, reminding me of the hurt I held dear. So I padlock the gates and throw away the key, protecting myself from vulnerability.
But in the depths of my soul, a flicker of hope yearns to break free from this self-imposed rope. To tear down the walls and embrace the unknown, to unlock my heart and let love be shown.
So take a deep breath and step into the light, trust in the magic of a love that feels right. With courage as our guide and fate as our ally, let’s unlock this heart and let love fly.
The dreaded “D” word that no one ever wants to hear, let alone go through. It’s like a punch to the gut, a kick in the teeth, a slap in the face all rolled into one. But fear not, my dear reader, for I am here to guide you through the murky waters of divorce and help you come out stronger, wiser, and ready to take on the world.
First, let’s address the elephant in the room – the pain. Oh, the pain of divorce. It’s like a never-ending rollercoaster of emotions – anger, sadness, guilt, regret, you name it. But here’s the thing, my friend, it’s okay to feel all these things.
It’s necessary.
So let it all out.
Cry, scream, punch a pillow – do whatever you need to release that pent-up emotion. Trust me, it will do wonders for your mental health.
Next, let’s delve into the topic of healing. Healing – the light at the end of the tunnel, the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow… you get the idea.
Healing from a divorce is no easy feat, but it is possible. And what exactly is the key to healing?
Self-care.
Yes, that’s right, taking care of yourself is crucial during this time. Eat well.
Exercise.
Get plenty of sleep.
Do things that make you happy – Basically, treat yourself like the precious gem that you are.
healing isn’t just about physical self-care. It’s also about emotional and mental self-care.
Healing also means surrounding yourself with positive individuals who uplift you, seeking therapy if necessary, and practicing self-love and forgiveness. Remember, your divorce does not define you. You are a robust and resilient individual capable of overcoming anything life throws your way.
And last but certainly not least, let’s talk about moving on. Yes, my dear reader, it is possible to move on from a divorce and find happiness again. But it starts with letting go of the past and embracing the present.
True healing means forgiving your ex-spouse (and yourself), letting go of any resentment or bitterness, and building a bright and beautiful future for yourself.
So there you have it.
Divorce may be a painful and tumultuous experience. But it is also an opportunity for growth, self-discovery, and healing. So hold your head high, put on your best smile, and know you are a warrior who can conquer anything life throws your way.
Being a single parent is like juggling flaming swords while riding a unicycle on a tightrope over a pit of hungry lions. Okay, maybe not exactly like that, but you get the picture.
It’s tough.
It’s exhausting.
It’s emotionally draining.
And sometimes, it can feel like you’re carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders all by yourself. But here’s the thing: being a single parent doesn’t mean you have to sacrifice your mental health.
Taking care of yourself is even more important when you’re flying solo in the parenting department. So, how can you heal your mental health while navigating the rocky terrain of single parenthood?
Let’s break it down.
Permit yourself to feel all the feels.
It’s okay to be overwhelmed, frustrated, exhausted, and even a little bit angry. Being a single parent is hard, and it’s perfectly normal to have those feelings. The key is to acknowledge them, process them, and then let them go. Bottling up your emotions will only lead to more stress and anxiety, so don’t be afraid to let it all out.
Next, make self-care a non-negotiable part of your routine. Yes, I know you’re busy.
Yes, I know you’re tired.
But taking care of yourself is not a luxury. It’s an absolute necessity. Whether carving out some time for a bubble bath, walking in nature, or simply sitting down with a cup of tea and that book you started before your babies were born. Finding ways to recharge your batteries and refill your cup would be best. You can’t pour from an empty vessel, so prioritize yourself.
Always reach out for support. You don’t have to do this alone. Lean on those you can trust, friends, family members, or even support groups for single parents. Having a strong support system can make all the difference in the world when it comes to maintaining your mental health. And remember, asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness.
Learn how to practice mindfulness and gratitude. It’s easy to get caught up in the chaos of single parenthood and forget to appreciate your life’s little moments of joy and beauty. Please take a few minutes each day to practice mindfulness through meditation, deep breathing, or simply being present in the moment. And don’t forget to count your blessings. Gratitude can shift your perspective and remind you of all the good things in your life, even when times are tough.
Lastly, be kind to yourself. Cut yourself some slack. You’re doing your best with the cards you’ve been dealt, and that’s more than enough. Remember, you’re not superhuman. You’re a single parent, which is pretty darn impressive. So give yourself a pat on the back, take a deep breath, and keep on. You’ve got this.
In this land where dreams are fragile, and desires like fireflies glow. I find myself dwelling in a peculiar abode, a house of transparency, where secrets do not hide, I am living in a glass house, where truth permanently resides.
Every wall, every window, crystal-clear, almost pristine, revealing my essence, allowing the cruel world to be seen. No shadows dance, no darkness cloaks my heart, for in this delicate sanctuary, truth sets me apart.
In this experimental existence, my vulnerability emerges as an open book. My soul’s colors no longer diverge, rawly exposing all my flaws. My every quirk, and all my deepest fears, living in a glass house, I am freed from façades yet riddled with tears.
Embracing this unique arrangement, I feel a potent shift, as transparency becomes a precious, and unknowingly rare gift. Gone are the walls of pretense, veiling from the world my true self. In this radiant refuge, honesty can truly be delved.
Yet with this newfound liberation, caution finds its space, as onlookers pass by, scrutinizing my every trace. Their judgments, like pebbles, cast upon the glass, but their stones shatter not my spirit, the fortress wall are high nor shall they trespass.
To live in a glass house that is fortified by resilience, withstanding all discord, and seeking emotional brilliance. For the beauty is in the truth, and the freedom it imparts, living in this transparent haven, is where true integrity starts.
So let the sun illuminate my being, let all the stars align, as my glass house offers a glimpse of a satisfactory life. It’s with this symbiotic harmony, that my truth is divine. I am living in a glass house where authenticity is allowed to shine.
In this metaphoric dwelling, I find solace and release, my beautiful sanctuary bathed in honesty, granting me inner peace. Though vulnerable, I stand tall, boldly embracing the unknown, for living in a glass house, my true self has grown.
Don’t sit with your thoughts too long my friend, they can be a trickster’s blend. They will whisper doubts and sow seeds of fear, leading you to a place unclear.
Instead, let each of them pass like clouds in the sky, watch them float, and gently say goodbye. Refuse to dwell on what’s once been said, embrace the peace that lies ahead.
Fill your mind with joy and light, banish the darkness, and keep it out of sight. Choose thoughts that lift you so high, watch your spirit soar, and learn how to fly. Remember you are strong, you are inherently free.
Don’t sit with the thoughts that bring you down, rise above them and claim your golden crown. -🦩
In the depths of my mind, I embarked on a quest to find the marbles scattered, to restore my zest. For life had grown chaotic, with thoughts in disarray, I yearned for the clarity that marbles could convey.
In the corners of my memory, I began to explore, tracing back the footprints of days gone before. With each step, I untangled the threads of my past, seeking those marbles, hoping they would last.
Through the labyrinth of thoughts, I wandered carefully through moments of laughter, love, and despair. Each marble held a story, a fragment of my soul, a piece of the puzzle, making me whole.
Some marbles gleamed brightly, memories so dear, rekindling forgotten joys, wiping away each tear. They whispered of innocence, of a simpler time, a reminder to embrace the beauty, the sublime.
But not all marbles held a radiance so bright. Some were faded, worn, and tarnished by endless nights. Yet, they, too, held significance, lessons to be learned. In the shadows of struggle, resilience was earned.
I found marbles of passion with burning fire, igniting ambitions, urging me to find my soul’s desire. They urged me to chase dreams, never to hold back, to capture the fleeting moments, and never to lose track.
Then, there were marbles of love, shining like stars, crafted by cherished moments, both near and far. They taught me the power, the strength of connection, in the shade of emotions, Love is the inflection.
As I gathered these marbles, piece by colored piece, I felt a newfound clarity, a sense of release. For within these memories, my essence was confined, a mosaic of experiences intricately entwined.
Finding my marbles was not a simple task, and it required patience, resilience, and a steadfast grasp. But in the depths of my mind, I began to see the beauty of the journey, the person I came to be.
So, I’ll treasure these marbles, hold them close to my heart, in each polished orb, a memory carved like fine art. For they are the reminders of a life fully lived, a testament to my resilience and the courage to forgive.
Finding my marbles, I discovered much more: a kaleidoscope of emotions and a million treasures to adore. As I navigate life’s winding, uncertain lanes, I’ll carry these marbles forever in my veins.
Roar louder than your demons 