She was once broken like you. Whose sickness also shone through. A tortured soul with a heart so dark. Bringing pain to all she knew.
Both cold and manipulative, filled with lies that are everlasting. Kicked others down when they already feel low, and filled their heart with doubt and sorrow.
In this world, where darkness may creep. Unless you desire change, you find a partner as broken as you.
A mirror of all your crimes.
-🦩
There’s a phrase we’ve all heard too many times:
“Just be the bigger person.”
At first glance, it sounds noble, like taking the high road, rising above, choosing peace. What happens when it becomes an expectation placed almost entirely on one person, over and over again? What happens when being the bigger person feels less like maturity and more like emotional labor being dumped on you?
Let’s be honest:
You shouldn’t always have to be the bigger person.
The Unfair Burden of Maturity
Being the bigger person often means swallowing anger, letting disrespect slide, and silencing our own hurt to preserve someone else’s comfort. It’s a concept wrapped in the illusion of strength, but sometimes it just feels like being told to tolerate unacceptable behavior.
Why is it that the people who care, who try, who reflect and grow why are they the ones constantly told to rise above? It becomes a loop: someone acts out, crosses a line, or refuses accountability, and somehow you end up being the one expected to “do the right thing” by letting it go.
It’s exhausting. And it’s unfair.
When Forgiveness Feels Like a Demand
There’s nothing wrong with being kind or offering grace. When kindness becomes a requirement rather than a choice, it turns toxic. You start to question your own boundaries. You feel guilty for having emotions. You wonder if you’re the problem just because you don’t want to play peacekeeper anymore.
Let’s be clear:
Choosing to walk away, set a boundary, or even speak up isn’t a failure of character.
It’s a form of self-respect.
You’re allowed to be angry. You’re allowed to say “this hurt me.” You’re allowed to not be ready to forgive, especially if the other person hasn’t shown growth or remorse.
The Myth of Emotional Superiority
Being the bigger person often becomes a weapon dressed up as wisdom. People will use it to silence conflict, avoid accountability, or dismiss the depth of your pain.
True maturity isn’t just about staying quiet it’s about knowing when to speak up. It’s about having the courage to say: this isn’t okay. It’s about refusing to carry emotional weight that doesn’t belong to you.
You don’t owe your grace to people who weaponize your compassion.
So What Should We Be Saying?
Instead of “be the bigger person,” maybe we should be saying:
• “You’re allowed to protect your peace.”
• “You don’t have to keep tolerating mistreatment.”
• “It’s okay to expect more from the people around you.”
Growth isn’t about endless self-sacrifice. It’s about knowing when to give and when to stop giving.
Choosing not to be the bigger person isn’t weakness. It’s sometimes the strongest, bravest thing you can do. Standing up for yourself, reclaiming your voice, and refusing to carry the emotional baggage of others is not petty. It’s powerful.
So the next time someone tells you to be the bigger person, pause and ask yourself:
“Why is that my job?”
Because maybe—just maybe—it’s time someone else stepped up. You don’t always have to be the bigger person. You just have to be the honest one.
-🦩
I wore the silence like a skin,
it crept in slow, then settled in.
Not fists, not bruises, just a glance,
a word, a threat wrapped in romance.
He didn’t shout; he rearranged
my thoughts until they sounded strange.
Was I too loud? Too weak? Too much?
He’d answer questions with a touch
a cold one, quick to let me know
how far his quiet rage could go.
He built a world where I was small,
where guilt and shame stood ten feet tall.
I stayed because I couldn’t see
where he ended, and where was me.
Because apologies came fast,
and softer than the screaming past.
Because “you’re crazy” felt like truth,
And every fight erased my youth.
I didn’t leave, because I learned
to twist the pain and call it earned.
Because love taught me to obey,
to hope, to break, and then to stay.
Because no one saw the war inside,
where part of me had slowly died.
And leaving meant I’d have to face
the wreckage of a hollow place.
But now I write, and now I breathe,
and every word helps me unweave
the knots he tied around my name and slowly, I release the blame.
So maybe I didn’t leave back then, but I’m not her. I’m me again.
-🦩
A strange kind of heartbreak doesn’t come from a clean break or a clear goodbye. It comes from chasing someone who’s already gone in every way but physically.
It starts small. A conversation that feels off. A laugh that doesn’t quite sound like it used to. You brush it off because love, memory, or loyalty make you generous with your blind spots. You remind yourself of who they were: kind, attentive, honest. You cling to those memories like a map, believing that if you follow them closely enough, you’ll find your way back to them.
But what happens when you realize that the person you thought you knew was never really there? Or worse, that they were there, but only for a season?
You start chasing shadows.
Pieces of them flicker in old photos, in songs you used to share, in the way you instinctively reach for your phone to tell them something funny. You look for them in your past because they’ve disappeared from your present.
And that’s the hard truth, when someone changes, they don’t always give you notice. Sometimes they outgrow you, or outgrow the person they were with you. Sometimes, they reveal parts of themselves that they have kept hidden. And sometimes… they were never who you thought they were at all.
Letting go of that illusion opens the door to a transformative experience. It’s not just about moving past the relationship; it’s about recognizing the potential for new beginnings. You’re anticipating a future where you can embrace the reality of who they truly are, rather than the idealized version that existed in your mind. This journey will allow you to shift your hope, trust, and investment toward healthier connections. It’s an opportunity to realize that what you loved was a projection, and now you can look forward to discovering something real and genuine.
But here’s the thing: it’s okay to outgrow the shadow.
It’s okay to stop running after a version of someone who no longer exists or never really did. It doesn’t make your love any less real. It means you’re choosing truth over fantasy, clarity over confusion, peace over chaos.
And maybe, just maybe, in the process of letting go of who they aren’t… You start becoming more of who you are.
-🦩
“I broke her heart once, and I’d let her break my heart a thousand times in return if it meant that one day she found her way back to me,” King of Greed – Ana Huang
Parenting has always been a challenging yet rewarding endeavor. However, the tools, techniques, and societal expectations surrounding parenting have evolved significantly over the past few decades. Comparing parenting in the 1990s to today reveals interesting contrasts and similarities, shaped by technological advancements, cultural shifts, and new understandings of child development.
1990s: The 1990s were marked by limited access to technology. Parents relied on landline phones, and the internet was in its infancy, with dial-up connections that were slow and sporadic. Information on parenting was sourced from books, pediatricians, and word-of-mouth advice from family and friends. Entertainment for kids included VHS tapes, Nintendo and Sega video game consoles, and playing outside until the streetlights came on.
Today, Modern parenting is deeply intertwined with digital technology. Smartphones, tablets, and the internet provide instant access to information and resources. Parents can connect with others through social media, join parenting forums, and utilize a variety of apps for everything from tracking their baby’s milestones to finding healthy recipes. Entertainment for children is now primarily digital, with streaming services, interactive apps, and sophisticated video games offering endless options.
1990s: Parenting in the 1990s was more localized. Parents formed communities through neighborhood connections, school events, and local organizations. Face-to-face interactions were the primary means of support and advice. Playdates were arranged through phone calls, and news about parenting trends spread through magazines and TV shows.
The digital age has expanded the parenting community globally. Parents can join online support groups, participate in virtual playdates, and access parenting blogs and YouTube channels for advice. Social media platforms enable parents to share experiences and tips with others worldwide, fostering a diverse and extensive support network.
1990s: Children in the 1990s experienced more freedom and less supervision than today. It was common for kids to walk or bike to school, spend hours playing outside unsupervised, and explore their neighborhoods. Parents trusted their children to follow basic safety rules and be home by dinner.
Today, Modern parenting often involves closer supervision and more structured activities. Increased awareness of potential dangers and the prevalence of “helicopter parenting” mean that children today are more likely to be closely monitored. GPS tracking apps and constant smartphone communication allow parents to monitor their kids’ whereabouts closely. This shift has led to debates about the impact on children’s independence and resilience.
1990s: In the 1990s, education was more traditional, focusing on in-class learning and physical textbooks. Extracurricular activities were important but often limited to local clubs, sports teams, and school-based programs. The emphasis was on a well-rounded development with a balance of academics and play.
Today, Education has become more diverse and technology-driven. Schools now use digital tools and resources, and distance learning has become a viable option, especially post-pandemic. Extracurricular activities have expanded to include various online classes, virtual clubs, and global competitions. There is also a greater focus on early childhood education and enrichment programs to foster multiple skills from a young age.
1990s: The 1990s saw a mix of traditional and evolving parenting styles. Physical punishment, like spanking, was more commonly accepted, though the trend was shifting toward more understanding and supportive methods of discipline. Parenting advice often revolved around being firm yet fair and teaching children through direct consequences.
Contemporary parenting emphasizes positive reinforcement, gentle parenting, and emotional intelligence. There’s a greater focus on understanding children’s developmental stages and promoting healthy emotional growth. Time-outs and loss of privileges have replaced physical punishment. Mental health and child psychology resources are more readily available, influencing how parents approach discipline and support.
1990s: The 1990s marked a period where dual-income households became more common, and the struggle to balance work and family life was evident. Daycare centers and after-school programs were vital for working parents, and there was a growing conversation about the need for family-friendly workplace policies.
Today, Work-life balance remains a critical issue, but remote work and flexible schedules have become more prevalent, partly accelerated by the COVID-19 pandemic. Though challenges still exist, parents have more tools to balance their professional and personal lives. The gig economy and freelance work also offer alternatives to traditional 9-to-5 jobs, allowing some parents more control over their schedules.
Parenting, whether in the 1990s or today, involves navigating a complex landscape of challenges and joys. While the tools and societal context have changed dramatically, the core principles of love, support, and guidance remain constant. Each era brings its own set of advantages and challenges, and modern parents can learn valuable lessons from the past while adapting to the present.
Ultimately, successful parenting transcends periods and technological advancements. It lies in providing a nurturing environment, encouraging growth and independence, and fostering a strong, loving bond with children. Whether using a rotary phone or a smartphone, the heart of parenting is timeless and universal.
-🦩
How to Coach Your Players
High school sports have long been known for their physical demands, with coaches focusing on training and conditioning to help their players reach their peak performance. However, there is another essential aspect of sports that often goes overlooked – the mental aspect. In today’s fast-paced and competitive world, coaches must understand and address the mental health of their players. In this blog post, we will explore the connection between mental health and high school sports, and provide valuable insights on how coaches can effectively support and coach their players in this aspect.
The Importance of Mental Health in High School Sports
Mental health plays a significant role in individuals’ overall well-being and success, and athletes are no exception. The pressure and expectations placed on high school athletes can often take a toll on their mental health. According to a study by the National Alliance on Mental Illness, one in five children aged 13-18 have or will have a serious mental health condition, and these numbers are not any different in the world of sports. Factors such as performance anxiety, fear of failure, and burnout can lead to mental health issues like depression, anxiety, and eating disorders among high school athletes.
As coaches, it is vital to recognize that while our primary focus may be on the physical aspect of sports, our players’ mental health should also be a top priority. Neglecting this aspect can not only harm the well-being of our players but can also affect their performance on the field.
Understanding the Mental Aspect of High School Sports
To effectively coach your players in the mental aspect of high school sports, it is crucial first to understand what it entails. It involves techniques and practices that help athletes develop a strong mindset, resilience, and emotional control. Here are some ways coaches can help their players in this aspect:
Communication and Creating a Safe Space
Establishing open and honest communication with your players is essential as a coach. Let them know that they can come to you with any concerns, whether related to their performance, mental health, or personal issues. Creating a safe and non-judgmental space for your players will help them feel comfortable enough to open up about their struggles and seek support when needed.
Educate Your Players
Many high school athletes may not fully understand the importance of mental health or how it can impact their sports performance. As a coach, you are responsible for educating your players about the mental aspect of sports and its role in their overall well-being. This can help reduce mental health stigma and encourage your players to prioritize their mental health.
Promote Self-Care
With the rigors of high school sports, players can easily neglect their mental and emotional needs. Encourage your players to practice self-care by incorporating mindfulness, meditation, and positive self-talk. Also, remind them to take breaks, get enough rest, and engage in activities they enjoy outside of sports.
Teach Coping Mechanisms
Every athlete faces setbacks and challenges, and it is essential to equip them with healthy coping mechanisms to deal with them. As a coach, you can teach your players techniques such as visualization, breathing exercises, and positive self-talk to help them manage stress and anxiety.
The mental aspect of high school sports is just as crucial as physical. As coaches, we are responsible for training our players physically and supporting them mentally. By creating a safe and open environment, educating our players, promoting self-care, and teaching coping mechanisms, we can help our players thrive both on and off the field. Let us strive to be coaches who prioritize the holistic well-being of our players and help them reach their full potential.
-🦩
Setting boundaries during a divorce can be crucial for maintaining your emotional well-being and ensuring a smoother separation process.
Here are some of the key benefits of establishing boundaries during a divorce:
Protect Your Mental Health Divorce can be an incredibly stressful and emotional process. By setting boundaries, you can protect yourself from unnecessary conflict and drama that can exacerbate your stress levels. Boundaries can help create a sense of emotional safety and stability during times of great upheaval.
Clear Communication
Boundaries can help facilitate clear and effective communication between you and your ex-partner. Clearly defining what is and isn’t acceptable behavior can reduce misunderstandings and conflicts arising during the divorce process, ultimately leading to a more amicable and respectful separation.
Respect Your Needs
Setting boundaries allows you to prioritize your needs and well-being during the divorce. By limiting what you are willing to accept or tolerate, you can ensure that your emotional, physical, and financial needs are met. This can help you navigate the divorce process with greater self-respect and self-care.
Protect Your Children
If you have children, setting boundaries during a divorce is essential for protecting their emotional well-being. Establishing clear rules and expectations for co-parenting can create a stable and consistent environment for your children. Boundaries can also help prevent conflicts between you and your ex-partner from spilling into your children’s lives.
Promote Respectful Behavior Boundaries can help foster a sense of mutual respect between you and your ex-partner during the divorce process. By clearly defining acceptable and unacceptable behavior, you can encourage both parties to treat each other with civility and decency. This can help prevent unnecessary conflicts and animosity from escalating during the divorce.
Setting boundaries during a divorce is essential for protecting your mental health, promoting clear communication, respecting your own needs, protecting your children, and fostering respectful behavior. Establishing boundaries early in the separation process can create a more peaceful and equitable divorce experience for yourself and your family.
-🦩
We all have a story we tell ourselves about who we are, where we come from, and what we’re capable of. This personal narrative shapes how we see the world, interact with others and respond to challenges. But what if that story isn’t serving you? What if it’s holding you back, keeping you stuck in patterns of doubt or self-criticism?
Psychologists have long recognized the power of our narratives. Our brains are wired to make sense of the world through storytelling, and we use these stories to create meaning. However, these narratives aren’t fixed. With effort and self-awareness, we can rewrite them to better align with the person we want to become.
The Role of Narrative in Identity
Our narrative begins in childhood, shaped by experiences, relationships, and societal messages. Over time, these stories become ingrained, influencing how we interpret events. For instance, if you’ve internalized a tale of failure—perhaps due to a difficult childhood or repeated setbacks—you may view every mistake as confirmation that you’re “not good enough.”
This is where psychology comes in. Narrative therapy, a form of psychotherapy developed by Michael White and David Epston, emphasizes that we are not our problems. Instead, we are the authors of our stories and can revise them to reflect a more empowering perspective.
How to Rewrite Your Life Story
Rewriting your life story doesn’t mean ignoring pain or pretending challenges didn’t happen. Instead, it’s about reframing your experiences to highlight resilience, growth, and possibility. Here’s how you can start:
Identify Your Current Narrative
Begin by reflecting on the story you tell yourself about your life. Write it down as if it were a book or movie. What themes emerge? Is it a story of struggle, rejection, or failure? Pay attention to your language. Words like always or never can signal unhelpful patterns.
Challenge Limiting Beliefs
Ask yourself: Is this story the only way to interpret my life? Often, we focus on the negatives while overlooking strengths or successes. For example, if you view a past job loss as a failure, consider reframing it as a turning point that pushed you toward growth or new opportunities.
Focus on Strengths and Resilience
Look for moments in your story where you showed courage, determination, or creativity. Self-critical narratives often overshadow these strengths but can become the foundation of your revised story.
Adopt a Growth Mindset
Psychologist Carol Dweck’s concept of a growth mindset is crucial here. Instead of seeing your story as fixed, view it as dynamic. Mistakes and setbacks aren’t the end of the story—they’re opportunities to learn and grow.
Seek Support
Sometimes, rewriting your story requires an outside perspective. Therapists, especially those trained in narrative therapy, can help you uncover hidden strengths and challenge unhelpful patterns. Supportive friends or mentors can also encourage you as you revise your narrative.
The Psychological Benefits of Rewriting Your Story
Research shows that reframing your narrative can lead to significant psychological benefits. It can reduce symptoms of anxiety and depression, improve self-esteem, and enhance resilience. Focusing on a more empowering story can help you shift from a victim mindset to one of agency and hope.
Your New Chapter Starts Now
Remember: You are not defined by your past. Every day is an opportunity to revise your story and choose a new direction. The process isn’t always easy—rewriting deeply ingrained narratives takes time and effort. But with practice, you can create a story that reflects your strength, growth, and potential.
So, take a journal, reflect on your life, and ask yourself: What kind of story do I want to tell? Because the pen is in your hand, and the next chapter is yours to write.
-🦩
Post-separation abuse is a pervasive and insidious form of intimate partner violence (IPV) that persists after a relationship has ended.
While leaving an abusive relationship is often viewed as a critical step toward safety and healing, the period following separation can be fraught with continued danger and manipulation. I was hoping you could take a moment with me and let me explore the dynamics of post-separation abuse, its manifestations, impacts, and the systemic challenges faced by survivors. Understanding these factors is crucial in addressing and mitigating the profound effects of such abuse.
Dynamics and Manifestations
Post-separation abuse occurs when an abuser continues to exert control over their former partner through various means, often intensifying their efforts to intimidate and harm. The abuser’s primary goal is to maintain power and control, even without physical proximity. This type of abuse can manifest in numerous ways, including emotional and psychological abuse, financial control, legal abuse, and threats of physical violence.
Emotional and psychological abuse post-separation often includes harassment, stalking, and manipulation. Abusers may employ tactics such as incessant calling, texting, or using social media to monitor and harass their ex-partner. They may spread false information, attempt to tarnish the survivor’s reputation or manipulate mutual friends and family members to isolate the survivor further.
Financial abuse is another common tactic, where the abuser might withhold financial support, sabotage the survivor’s employment, or drain shared resources. This economic control can leave survivors in precarious financial situations, making it difficult for them to achieve independence and stability.
Legal abuse, or “abuse by proxy,” involves the abuser using the legal system to continue their harassment. This type of abuse can include frivolous lawsuits, custody battles, and manipulation of legal processes to drain the survivor’s resources and maintain control. These legal tactics can be particularly draining, requiring time, money, and emotional energy to combat.
Threats of physical violence and actual bodily harm remain significant concerns post-separation. Even if the abuser does not follow through on these threats, the fear and anxiety they induce can be paralyzing for survivors, severely impacting their ability to rebuild their lives.
Impacts on Survivors
The impacts of post-separation abuse are profound and multifaceted, affecting survivors’ mental, emotional, and physical well-being. The continued harassment and manipulation can lead to chronic stress, anxiety, depression, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). The constant fear and vigilance to protect themselves and their children can be exhausting and debilitating.
Social isolation is another significant impact. Abusers often work to sever the survivor’s connections with friends, family, and support networks, leaving them feeling alone and unsupported. This isolation can make it difficult for survivors to seek help and can exacerbate feelings of helplessness and despair.
The financial toll of post-separation abuse can also be devastating. The loss of economic stability and independence can hinder survivors’ ability to secure housing, employment, and other necessities. This financial strain can make it difficult for survivors to escape the cycle of abuse and rebuild their lives.
Systemic Challenges
Addressing post-separation abuse requires a comprehensive understanding of the systemic challenges faced by survivors. The legal and social support systems often fall short of providing adequate protection and resources for those experiencing post-separation abuse.
As mentioned earlier, legal systems can inadvertently become tools of abuse. Abusers can manipulate the complexity and length of legal processes to perpetuate control. Many legal systems fail to adequately recognize and address the nuances of post-separation abuse, resulting in inadequate protection orders and poor enforcement of existing measures.
Social support systems, including shelters, counseling services, and community organizations, often struggle with limited resources and funding. These constraints can hinder their ability to provide long-term support and stability for survivors. Additionally, the stigma surrounding IPV and the lack of awareness about post-separation abuse can prevent survivors from seeking help.
Addressing Post-Separation Abuse
A multifaceted approach is required to effectively address post-separation abuse. This approach should include legal reforms, improved social support systems, and increased public awareness and education.
Legal reforms are essential to protect survivors more effectively. This involves the enforcement of restraining orders, enhancing the management of custody cases associated with intimate partner violence (IPV), and acknowledging and addressing legal tactics that constitute abuse. Advocates and victims must be educated by the court and legal professionals about the dynamics of post-separation abuse to make informed decisions that prioritize the safety and well-being of survivors.
Enhanced social support systems are also crucial. This involves increasing shelter funding, counseling services, and community organizations that assist survivors. Long-term support, including housing assistance, job training, and mental health services, is vital in helping survivors rebuild their lives.
Public awareness and education campaigns can play a significant role in addressing post-separation abuse. Educating communities about the realities and dangers of post-separation abuse can reduce stigma and encourage survivors to seek help. Schools, workplaces, and healthcare providers should be trained to recognize signs of IPV and provide appropriate support and referrals.
Post-separation abuse is a complex and pervasive issue that requires urgent attention and action. By understanding its dynamics, impacts, and systemic challenges, society can take meaningful steps to protect and support survivors. Legal reforms, improved social support systems, and increased public awareness are essential components of a comprehensive approach to addressing post-separation abuse. Only through concerted efforts can we hope to break the cycle of abuse and empower survivors to build safe, independent, and fulfilling lives.
-🦩
Our two souls were destined to find their place in the vast expanse of time and space.
Bound together by a deep love,
a connection we promised always to keep.
In a world where chaos reigns supreme, we were each other’s guiding beam.
Completing the other in every way, our love grew stronger each day.
Soulmates, we are two halves of one; our bond was forged before time began.
We navigated each other through this life in moments of joy and strife.
Through trials and tribulations we might face, this love will always find its place.
As soulmates, we are forever intertwined in a love that does not know this earthly side.
-🦩
Roar louder than your demons 